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Fending Off Bitches
Big Ron on the History of Dogs and Men

The Wife has one of her bimbo friends over and we get some carryout and this dumb bitch starts telling me I’m wrong for feeding Hotdog scraps.

I said, “Well, Hotdog likes table scraps.”

She tells me, “Dogs aren’t meant to eat human food.”

I say, “Look, hon, dogs are dogs because some wolves decided to come by Man’s fire and beg for scraps. And Man decided to feed them so they’d hang around and sound the alarm whenever some bad shit was coming around. So table scraps are literally what a dog is, a wolf that’s been sharing Man’s food from the dawn of time, eating from his hand in return for services rendered. Dog, not Woman, is Man’s best friend.”

That went over none-too-well. What I’d really like to do when I get drunk is take Hotdog down behind the Chinese takeout and hunt for rats. Of course, letting him hunt stupid, two-legged bitches might be more fun yet.

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BobMarch 27, 2018 10:00 PM UTC

This is speculative, but there are those who believe that European man's tendency towards individualism, compared to the more collectivist Asian, is due his co-evolution with dogs. The man-dog combination as opposed to the larger, human-only hunting group. "Man's best friend" might be too generic.
SidVicMarch 27, 2018 12:58 PM UTC

I laughed at this post. I'm a rabbit hunter from way back and that rat hunting business looks like fun. Cities should pass an ordinance allowing the use of small sawed-off 410 shotguns for rat hunting in cities. The large aggressive nature of baltimore rats would make it almost as exciting as boar hunting with a spear (bucket list). Big ron did miss one factor in the dog-man relationship...

My father was of stolid scot-irish stock. He kept a small stable of hunting dogs. He would routinely kill a dog if it showed 1 inappropriate aggression . 2 poor hunting skill.

Sometimes if they just pissed him off to be honest. I had a buddy from highschool hunt with us one time when dad went off... I only wish that i had captured the look on his face with a photo. I've never seen a smartass turn into a polite kid so fast. While brutal the cull gave us out dog breeds today. You have the carrot (scraps) as well as the stick.
LaManoMarch 27, 2018 12:58 PM UTC

A big SALUTE to that sentiment.

It always amazes me that people are SO concerned about what I share with my dog. (Whenever I eat around him, especially outdoors or in the car, I ALWAYS share with him as a matter of historical principal, as long as there's meat or cheese involved. Fruits and vegetables, he couldn't care less about).

And people are like "Oh, I don't think that he likes that brand of dog food" or "He doesn't seem to like that treat" or "It might make him sick!"

Sick? Out in the woods, I'm likely to find my dog with his head 2 feet up the butt of a deer that's been dead and festering for 2 days ... and he's going to get sick on food I eat?

Yeah, uh-huh. SURE!