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The Return of H.P. Lovecraft?
A Defense of Civilization by Clued

“I’m currently doing some very heavy duty and top secret anthropology research at Disneyland. It’s not looking good for Team Sivilasation down here.”

-Tony Cox


We can’t all be barbarians.

The lights must stay on. Someone has to shovel the trash and make sure the shit flows into the sewers and the coal burns bright in the smelters, ‘cause if we don’t, we’re living in our own shit. I don’t know about you, James, but I don’t want to live in my own shit. I want engineers and garbage men and good roads and music and good food. What do we eat if we have no fertilizer, no industrial farms? Nothing! We starve! 325 million people in America, how many of us know how to farm, or hunt or fish? If doomsday was upon us and I was thrown out in the cold, you know what would happen to me? I’d be fucked as soon as my glasses get cracked or who knows what else. I’ve got braces in my head, those things would just keep pushing my teeth around ‘cause there’s no dentists in the post apocalypse. Fuck that I want good teeth damnit. There’s no fucking dental insurance in Cimmeria! I’m not cut out for savagery anyway I think too much, read too much, don’t like fighting. I’d be the bitch boy of some Conan reject.

The only way we can communicate is by the electronic smuggling of words across the invisible ether, which was called into existence by men coked up on mountain dew, cheetos and pizza.

And ain’t it a fucking wonderful thing? That two strangers can share their thoughts without even having to see each other.

Why would anyone want to live as a barbarian? Living amidst dust and shadow and shit, fighting the neighbors every fucking day, making up bullshit about giants carving presidential faces into Mount Rushmoore ‘cause it’s unbelievable that mere mortal men had the balls, had the technology, had the society and enough pride to carve its heroes into a mountain.

Okay, fine, shit’s bad. I agree. Feminism has rotted our thinking and we’ve lost our way and blah blah blah. If you think for a minute, you can come up with 60 or more things you can hate. This ain’t the country it used to be.

But I, for one, am still going to bat for civilization. It’s given me toilets, and burgers, and beer, and a warm bed and a humongous fucking brain of a computer that I can use anytime I want to rant or write or look at kittens or tits or whatever the fuck else I want.

Thank Cromm for civilization, because now my skinny ass doesn’t have to reinvent the wheel, cause that and a couple thousand things after that have already been done

Fuck You,


THE WHEEL! I thought this was supposed to be a civil dialogue and you bring up that, the very root of feminism!

…I’m not taking the bait. Well put, Sir.

Little Feet Going Nowhere: Sam Waterford's Outrageous Profession and the Fate of Humanity

Add Comment
CluedApril 4, 2018 1:02 PM UTC

Another reason why barbarism sucks: Child mortality.

It's remarkably consistent across cultures and periods, from native americans to the !kung, a child mortality rate between 20 and in three or half of your children will die before reaching adulthood. who wants to see their kids die in their arms? That's what we'll be back to if all of civilization collapses.
CluedApril 2, 2018 6:15 PM UTC

Sure, let's quote Adolf Hitler, he's somebody to admire, right?

newsflash: HE LOST THE WAR.

And the savages lost to civilization. They won the fights, they had better warriors and happier people but they still. Lost. The Germans had better tanks, better soldiers and better generals, and they lost. Why do we want to emulate those who lost? That's not even mentioning the horrible things done in the name of "I'm stronger than you". And in order to turn the world into some glorified conan the barbarian preserve we'd have to lose something like 98% of the population, because hunting and gathering can only support something like a tenth of a percent of the current population. Statistically we're likely to die. Maybe not, you, Tony Cox, cause you've been feral before, but you don't mind living in your own shit what do you care.

I've been a janitor, I've been a garbage man. Maybe you didn't have a hell on earth but other people tend to be messy and make their own hells. Maybe I've been taken advantage of by cleaning up their messes but we don't have to throw out the metaphorical baby with the bathwater of civilization. Like, say, near-immunity from disease? Our women don't have to nearly die every time a baby is born? If you lose a limb you can literally get a cyborg replacement nowadays. I'd be dead if it wasn't from modern medicine, hospitals and doctors, not because i'm fat or stupid but because I had birth complications. I like being alive, and being able to see. I don't want 6+ billion people to die merely to satisfy an urge to live like a caveman.
Sam J.April 1, 2018 7:49 PM UTC

If civilization fell out I would be done. My health is...sketchy. All praise to air conditioners.
Tony CoxMarch 31, 2018 3:02 PM UTC

Do the lights really NEED to stay on? Tell me why. Someone has to shovel the shit? Who might that someone be? It’s the people living in cities who have always died from the diseases caused by wallowing in shit. Perhaps because nobody wanted to be the one to shovel it? And what if the powers decide it is YOU to be the one who shovels shit? I’ll bury my own, thank you very much.

I admit to having been a feral human for about 7 years, roaming and camping, never an address of my own. It wasn’t any kind of hell on earth.

There would be bumps in the road to barbarism, people would starve, die of disease, but is that truly a tragedy? We all die sooner or later.

And why worry of such things as straight teeth? Straight teeth, new clothes, and money are all just contrivances to get pussy. Beautiful girls are born everyday. Women will be there for the taking! A successful first date will be one where she survives the initial blow from your club!

Barbarism need not mean a return to the Paleolithic, either. The Celts had a pretty good thing going on.

If you are a skinny wimp who can’t fight, perhaps that is only because you haven’t had to.

But if all life means to you is being able to rant, eat burgers, and look at titties, maybe you’d find yourself even happier as a barbarian, with a campfire every night, surrounded by friends and family, everyday a new hunt? Or perhaps you are right, we can’t all be barbarians.
Jeremy BenthamMarch 31, 2018 1:56 PM UTC

“Living in the freedom in the forest, the North American Indian was wretched, but he felt himself inferior to no man; as soon as he wants to penetrate into the social hierarchy of the white men, he can only occupy the lowest rank therein, for he comes as a poor and ignorant man into a society where knowledge and wealth prevail. Having led an adventurous life, full of afflictions, but also full of proud emotions, (18) he must submit to a monotonous, obscure, and degraded existence. In his eyes the only result of this vaunted civilization is that he must earn his bread by hard and ignoble labor. And even that result he

cannot always be sure to obtain.”

(18) “There is something in the adventurous life of hunting people which seizes the heart of man and carries him away in spite of reason and experience.” -Alexis de Tocqueville , Democracy in America VOL I, Part II, Chapter Ten, "The Three Races that inhabit the United States” 1838

"They refer to me as an uneducated barbarian. Yes, we are barbarians…it is an honored title to us. We shall rejuvenate the world."

-Adolf Hitler, 1889-1945
CluedMarch 30, 2018 7:05 PM UTC

Fine, talk is cheap, what else is new? But what do I do then? Should I go out like RJ? Die an early death and have my mother cry her farewells? Another martyr to be admired, another eulogy to be written? No I don't think so. Join a gang? the military? I'd wash out my first week.

The system is still here, it's still supporting me and you and some 300 million other people, and I may not like everything it's done but it still takes my garbage and polices my neighborhood and helps pay my insurance. I'll pay my taxes and keep an eye out for trouble and start training my body, but unless the revolution is coming tomorrow I don't see a whole lot to be done. If I still think america, and for that matter, western civilization too, should be saved, why shouldn't I work inside the system?
responds:March 31, 2018 4:43 PM UTC

Barbarians take down civilizations because they want some of that sweet ease and destroy what is left in their partaking.

Also, us civilized folks often yearn for wilderness trips and simpler even if harsher times.

It's a timeless struggle in the human soul as far as I can see and I'm glad you're providing some balance to my yearning for the ice age.
Hugh MaguireMarch 30, 2018 1:31 PM UTC

Well he isn’t actually “going to bat” for civilization, he is counting on other men to do that.

Soon the wolves are going to slip their fetters.