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Mudsuckers & Sand Sharks
Uber Joe Was On Suburban Safari and He Forgot His Pith Helmet

“I’m only doing Uber part time now—got the good car dealership job. But Uber is always there when I need some extra money. Last Friday was just in-sane! I went to the Walmart to get groceries and saw my first hoodrat abuse. There was this little kid who wanted a pack of candy—mind you he just asked once.

No, they were not Amish, neither one of them. They were black. Mamma was a heavyweight and the boy was maybe eight years old.

So this kid no sooner says, “Mamma, can I” and “blam,” that woman was upside his head. She grabbed his [left] shoulder from behind with her big manicured [left] hand and started chopping into the side of his face with pro-wrestling slaps, over, and over again, pushing him deeper into the store, whaling on him!

Thank God Harford County is putting a stop to section 8 vouchers!

So, about 1:30 in the morning, closing time, I get a fare from the Tower restaurant, a beautiful young blonde with curves, in this little miniskirt with her big breasts spilling out—you know, I thought she was a mudshark because of her build and the way she was dressed, like she could be in a video.

Now Uber has Uber Share, which allows passengers to split the cost if they’re going the same way. So we do it and I swing over and I pick-up this black dude who is a total sand shark. That’s right, Uber Joe has been doing research for you and black dudes out here in Harford County who go after white women for sex, other black dudes call them sand sharks!

This guy is ridiculous. He asks her at least three times if they can hook up and she’s not having it and says ,”No” flat out all three times. But this guy just won’t stop and I’m wondering if its going to turn into an Uber Joe to the rescue situation. And finally, for his fallback pickup line, going on 2:00 a.m., he says, “Girl, don’t you understand that I wanna fuck you tonight?”

She looks right at him and says, “Don’t you understand that I’m not a mud sucker!”

Jimmy, I about died, thought for sure he was going to belt her right in the face. But he shut up. There was not a word that passed between the two of them for the remainder of the ride.

White girls: 1, sand sharks: 0—but’s its still the first quarter of the Uber year.

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