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Pissing and Shitting on Books?
By American Psycho

Why were there urine stains on that book I ordered? Was that foul smelling substance, chocolate residue, or dried shit sprayed down the postage box? Maybe.

“During an undercover investigation, an author documented Amazon warehouse employees peeing into bottles due to their fears of being sanctioned for taking toilet breaks.

“For those of us who worked on the top floor, the closest toilets were down four flights of stairs,” claimed author James Bloodworth. “People just peed in bottles because they lived in fear of being ¬disciplined over ‘idle time’ and ¬losing their jobs just because they needed the loo.”

Bloodworth’s claims were corroborated by responses to a survey of Amazon workers.

“[Targets] have increased dramatically. I do not drink water because I do not have time to go to the toilet,” declared one response.”

No! no! A mistake. Pissing in a bottle takes time. It is far, far better to keep working and just piss in your pants, or if one’s snag is long enough, let it spray onto the ground while working away. When I was on the production line, that was what I did, and never once did I get my ding dong caught in the wheels of industry. And, speaking of ding dongs, I am sure you will like this one:

I wish I were a fat angry bastard. Why can’t I have my own show, I am mad enough? But, will I have to suck “ding dongs” as they do in Tinker Bell Town? Do they like foul breathe, rotting teeth and gums oozing blood and pus?

Anyway, as for shitting, just quietly open your bowels, shit in your pants, and at the end of the shift, drop your daks and burger-flip the crushed turdette out, which will now be delicately seasoned by other bodily secretions, flopping it onto the floor for people like Malcolm to step on and spread the joy. Good to go for another groundhog day.

Work first; excretion, second.

Turd America

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