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WellRead Ed and A Wannabe Biker
An Emergency Room Encounter in North Dindustan

A couple of decades ago, I was a Tech in an ER in North Dindustan. I had been working there for about a month when a biker (no patch; just a wannabe) comes in complaining of back pain. Of course, he needed opiates for the pain, and loudly, and profanely declared his need for drugs and demanded that the Doc drop what he was doing and attend to his needs.

The willowy young man of an alternative lifestyle attempted to explain that the doctor would be there as soon as possible. For his efforts, he was called "Queer Bait" and "Faggot". Sensing that he was reaching his wit's end, I traded patients with him and dealt with the biker.

I explained to him that yelling profanities was counter-productive. His various "Fuck yous" indicated to me that further conversation was pointless, so I attended to other duties, like transporting patients to the Radiology Dept.

Returning from one such trip, I spied our bellicose biker standing in front of the Nurse's Station, berating the secretary for her lack of immediate compliance with his demands. I went and stood next to her just as the aforementioned young man walked behind the secretary and, in that bitchy, yet biting style that seems to come naturally to effete men, proceeded to explain his options including leaving.

This inspired the wannabe to pick up various objects at hand and throw them at both the secretary and my colleague. Being much more athletic back then, I went over the counter at him. Seeing this, he picked up a wooden tray we used to deposit patient charts into, and hit me in the head with it.

I spent the next minute or so, bouncing him off of the walls and the floor. One of the nurses referred to it as 'The Night I Dribbled a Patient'. At one point, as I was showing him the error of his ways (I was on top of him and beating his face) a pair of wingtips appeared next to me. I looked up into the face of the head of Security who asked me, "Are you done?"

Long story short, the patient earned himself a CAT Scan and a night in restraints, I got a gash on my ear, and everything was smoothed over in the reports.

I worked there for 8 years. During that time, we assembled a crew of knuckle-draggers that were as adept at breaking bones as we were at splinting them. Before long, the word got out into the street that it wasn't a good idea to incite violence at our ER because we were all too happy to repay in kind.

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PRMay 28, 2018 3:20 PM UTC

Don't surgeons have powerlifting contests? I was under the impression surgeons were as portrayed in "Scrubs." I'm surprised cops didn't start bringing in their most belligerent arrestees for "the treatment."