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The Ideal Doomsday Ride?
A Pedestrian’s Perspective on End Time Survival Engines

Many times I have a thought of writing this article as I walked down into Sparrows Point and Edgmere to visit my adopted family on the Redneck Riviera. As a fan of movies such as the Road Warrior, Death Race, the Vanishing Point, The Bay Town Outlaws and other uplifting adventure films, I have often wondered what would be the best last day on earth survival vehicle.

Being a Pedestrian has always put me at a disadvantage, so for Planet Buzzkill I naturally chose a bus, as did Clint Eastwood for his worst movie, The Gauntlet. For Retrogenesis I introduced the trash truck in both varieties, commercial and municipal, chosen for their steel construction.

The tractor trailer has long been a favorite and seems absolutely unstoppable in movies like White Line Fever and Convoy, but have failed to impress me as a pedestrian next to what I view as their better.

I came about this view walking the two mile stretch down North Point Boulevard towards Sparrows Point over the last two years. When one is a tiny, ambling ape, walking along the shoulder of a concrete highway, the trucks that rumble by at high speed intimidate, the 18-wheelers primarily due to the wind displacement that buffets the walker.

Commercial trash trucks and beverage delivery trucks make more of a jolt under my feet than the trailer unless it is a flatbed with coils of steel chained to its bed.

The one vehicle, that when it rumbles by, loaded and unloaded, which bounces me off the pavement like an insect on a rattling plate is the dump truck. I reckon this is due to that heavy steel rock pan on its back. I also like it for having a steel shield behind the cab, and for that matter a steel gate too, bringing to mind the possibility of mounting two gun turrets above the bed.

Of course, all of these vehicles have the weakness of an exposed engine up front, just like the ancient chariot. So I was wondering, and perhaps one of the readers knows, would it be possible to mount a dozer blade on the front of one of these things?

Public works trucks are mounted with snow plows. But I was wondering about an earth moving blade high enough to shield the engine. Would the bed have to be partially or fully filled with rock to counterbalance the weight of the blade?

I suppose it is obvious that more quality human extinction fiction is in the works.

Thanks for your indulgence.

A Trucker's Advice

To protect the engine of a dump truck, use a government truck that has snow plow mounts on the front. Five minutes to hook up, I’ve done it a million times back when that was my gig.

Even better, I understand that in NYC, it’s the garbage trucks that plow snow. A garbage truck with a snowplow and wing plow mounted sounds like just the ride for you.



commented on

The Ideal Doomsday Ride?


1:07 AM UTC

Something like this?

A "Mad Max" road-warrior type heavy dump truck, with an engine protecting blade and welded counterweight frame destroys a dozen cars.

Menthol Rampage

Add Comment
BobJuly 25, 2018 1:47 AM UTC

On "end times" and reality stranger than fiction, Greece seems to be on the receiving end of some warm California loving.
LaManoJuly 24, 2018 1:10 AM UTC

Your dump truck has some good points, but it has a fatal one ... it'll go about 150 miles on a tank of diesel, and then you have to find some more.

Unlikely that your debit card will work in the local "Speedway" convenience store pump in this scenario .... !
BanjoJuly 24, 2018 1:07 AM UTC

Something like this?
DonJuly 24, 2018 1:06 AM UTC

You would need the ability to weld a structure to the truck frame to support the dozer blade. You need shelter and supplies in your gypsy wagon, so that would help counter balance the blade. I would recommend some sort of side skirts to shield the tires, plus armored door panels.

Fueling the will be thirstier than a bus.
CCZJuly 23, 2018 8:32 PM UTC

A "Mad Max" road-warrior type heavy dump truck, with an engine protecting blade and welded counterweight frame destroys a dozen cars.