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'Weird Description on News'
Crackpot Mailbox: Helen Wants to Know about Gun Report Cadence

'Weird Description on News'

Thu, Nov 15, 7:50 AM (2 days ago)

Hey, Mister LaFond,

Before I left for work this morning, there was a story about a shooting. The reporter interviewed a young white guy about what he heard. He said it didn't sound like playful shots, but like real aiming.

What does that mean? Have you ever heard a description like that? He was in his late twenties, early thirties & not military.

Have a good day 😉



Hell, some of my readers—the ones that shoot—are laughing right now. I am a famously inept firearms user who would have a better chance defending himself with a rock than a gun.

However, I have been shot at twice by Harm City Hoodrats and have heard dozens of shootings. I have also paid attention to men who can and do shoot at a high proficiency.

This is a slam dunk and once the hood comes to your town, this is what you will hear, my dear:


That sound above is what is called urban fire discipline, or "spray and pray." The muzzle of that gun is going to move every time a round goes down range, so this asshole is literally holding a randomizing death device. This is how 2-year-old girls get shot in Baltimore, by the asshole trying to cap her older cousin. To someone who knows how to shoot, like Ishmael, this sounds like city slickers playing. If you gave me and all 132 Baltimore shooters with 1 kill or more currently at large in the city each a 9mm auto with high capacity extended magazine and gave Ishmael a .308 with open sights and set us on one end of a football field and put him up in the bleachers on the other side, every one of us assholes would be dead by the time we got to the red zone. So, I'd say the witness was a hunter of serious disposition.

Next comes the report of a Baltimore City police officer, pissing his pants while operating the same weapon as his spraying and praying enemy:

"Pop-pop-pop-pop...pop-pop-pop—freeze!-poppoppoppoppop...fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Next comes the sound of stone cold hillbilly putting down the cop and the criminal who are selling drugs to his granddaughter:

"Pop...pop-pop... Put somethin' in your hand, boy... That's better now—Pop."

There you go, Helen. Thank you.

Thought Crimes: Civil

Harm City


Add Comment
LaManoNovember 18, 2018 3:48 AM UTC

A well known guide to interpreting gun shots heard in the woods -

"One shot, one deer. Two shots, maybe one deer. Three shots, no deer."
MannyNovember 17, 2018 9:44 PM UTC

Reminds me of the old saying that “Fast is fine, but accurate is final.” Wyatt Earp I think. I’m looking forward to running the numbers on year end hoodrat lethality comparing Harm City to Chicongo. Fun reading James.