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Filthy Few Casting Call

I am goofing off on a fiction binge, trying to finish a novel a week from among the errant strands of my frayed brain and I could use some help.

How many of you, and what name do you wish to be known by, and your character's occupation, would like to be supporting characters in the story of two rude handfuls of condemned American criminals breaking into a thousands strong conclave of child rapists who happen to run the world, and doing these perverts in in a suicide mission?

Would you want to be on a strike team or not?

Do you want to get killed gloriously, or escape with your life?

This far the cast consists of:

-Shayne "Not My Army" Rasmussen, war hero, real life bad ass, CO

-Samuel "Dirt Cult" Finlay, NCO

-Joey "Bone Claw" Bennet, congenital criminal

-Oscar "Wrong Place-Wrong Time" Malvida, smart-ass

-"Big" Rick Brentwood, Hammerskins Leader, who likes to piss on yuppies at night clubs

-"Moping" Drey Slavie, mass cop killer

-Luther "Putin' in Work" Wlawaslav, Military Contractor who wiped out the Jonestown people for the Agency and then got setup by his spook handlers for a hate crime rap

-"Downtown" Charlie Brown, predatory homosexual racist biker cop killer, to be written in my next online fiction post.

-Andy Nowicki [sorry if I misspelled anything there, Andi] will have a supporting cameo as a pizza delivery driver delivering pizzas to the Bilderberger child rape conclave...

-Manny Soprano, strip club owner who finds out that Slick Willy's Secret Service detail has abducted his lead girl's 11-year-old daughter, and decides this is the hill he's going to die on...

If you want to be on board for the outrageous fiction about a fantasy world were perverts rule us all while raping children as part of their power-sharing rituals, comment below and sign up as a doomed hero...

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Add Comment
John Paul BarberMarch 19, 2019 4:27 AM UTC

Given my former status as a condemned American criminal and my proficiency with a straight razor by trade, I'd take great pleasure in being one of the torturers. I prefer not to be killed off in the story until I've whittled on every last child rapist. Thanks
responds:March 19, 2019 4:36 PM UTC

Yes, Colonel Rassmussen will want a barber!
CluedMarch 17, 2019 2:22 AM UTC

What the hey, I'll join. I could be your computer geek/radio op/techno kid, just have me die horribly.
responds:March 17, 2019 3:41 PM UTC

Horribly it is, Hero Clue.
Lynn LockhartMarch 17, 2019 12:25 AM UTC

Please, can you make me some kind of girl Friday?
responds:March 17, 2019 3:42 PM UTC

I could have your picture taped on the inside of Big Rick Brentwood's locker in the barracks...
Alexei NikolaevichMarch 16, 2019 1:47 AM UTC

You know, in a totally fictional setting, I wouldn't mind wielding a bronze "Ewart Park phase" replica sword that I'd bought on Ebay in such a room clearing situation.

Of course this would be fictional, because certainly nothing like this happens in our pure and just world.
responds:March 17, 2019 3:43 PM UTC

You will be a Greek Orthodox fanatic who believes he is reincarnated Belasarius... The sword is in.
MannyMarch 16, 2019 1:02 AM UTC

I’m in. I’ll leave my fate to the writer’s imagination.
responds:March 17, 2019 3:43 PM UTC

You will have a trike with twin 30. cal mounts
Smart Ass White BoyMarch 15, 2019 8:12 PM UTC

Old silver back with a silver Mohawk haircut kicked out of the Army Airborne Rangers for being too bloodthirsty killing kid and goat Fuckers in the Middle East .
responds:March 17, 2019 3:44 PM UTC

You will be Downtown Charlie Brown's wingman.
Ruben ChandlerMarch 15, 2019 6:31 PM UTC

Mean, Mean Ruben Dean......deranged professor who synthesizes people's DNA into snortable drugs. He uses Mongol Horde DNA, Alexander the Great, DNA from psycho killers and great military maniacs before battle. Murder and mayhem give him such a boost to his mutated member he winds up fucking himself in the act of raping the rapists ala Iron Mike Edson.

Loose Cannon O'Bannon and Baboon Dick McGee, Irish cousins, gang members, and blues musicians who are the fightingest, fuckingest, and fartingest, mofo enemies of child rapist anywhere. Doomed to die while having a laugh and a pint due to lack of up to date skill sets with latest violent technologies but badass cellies and drudes to deal with, nonetheless.
responds:March 17, 2019 3:47 PM UTC

Shayne is going to be hijacking federal vehicles and after you and your band witness this from your pokadotted minibus, he will conscript you and detail you guys to evac the children as the filthier elements of the expedition do copious wrongs—don't worry bro, your noncombat detail will go horribly wrong and you'll get to beat some Deep State goon to death with your Starticaster.
WellRead EdMarch 15, 2019 5:52 AM UTC

As a former Army Ranger, EMT, ER TECH, competitive shooter, call me "Big Ed", I'd like to stack bodies and, if I die, I want to die hard.
responds:March 17, 2019 3:49 PM UTC

The real life Shayne, actual ranger badass has called me and decided to plan it as a real mission. You will be doing the HALO drop with him—with only 2 weeks to train the old and the fat will drop in and the young and fit will be swimming while the hippies and janitors drive in—this will be a real Sea, Air Land operation which will go horribly wrong. Welcome aboard!
Glasgow NedMarch 15, 2019 2:35 AM UTC

I want to teach your crew the art of the head-butt. Have me demonstrate proper head-butting technique on a goat, thanks!
responds:March 17, 2019 3:50 PM UTC

Your inn as one of the training officers.
Adam SwinderMarch 14, 2019 9:22 PM UTC

I know that silent, trash-hauling facsimiles have appeared in your fiction before, but if there's child-destroying perverts to crush, then I volunteer as tribute!
responds:March 14, 2019 8:09 PM UTC

I'll put you behind the wheel of a trash truck.

They are made of steel!