Click to Subscribe
▶  More from Blog Crackpot Mailbox
‘What Was the Material Portion of Your Life?’
Crackpot Mailbox: Sol wants to Know What Was the Most Formative Phase of the Crackpot’s Life

“What was the material portion of your life—meaning the most formative years of your life that bore most heavily on the man you have become?”


This is quite an easy question to answer, so I apologize for the brevity.

On second thought, how about I rank the formative years of my life by decade, from least to most formative



This final decade of my life is nothing but a struggle to record what I have learned and pass on some experience and good will to some youngsters. I do not regard it as formative at all, but as a dissolution of body and soul.



My next to last decade of life was a simple application of lessons learned earlier in the various areas of endeavor in which I have been involved: workplace, combat space and writing.



This was the tomb of my living death as a lowly laborer and husband. However, I did manage to read over 1000 books.



I read roughly 2000 books during this period, fought half of my boxing matches and most of my stick-fights and interviewed hundreds of people about their violent experiences. I have still not yet rendered all that I learned during this period into writing.



Life as a soft, helpless, caring little tyke who just wanted to be liked taught me that society does not care about the child, that the child is a sculpture of liquid torment engraved with hatred and pain by its maleficent adult masters.



As a teenager I learned that I was wrong about society, that society does care deeply about the quality of our torment and that it hates us. As a teenager I developed my many hatreds, all of which have fallen away as I fade back into childhood—hatred of Civilization.

While staying at a hotel in Philly with two of my fighters this past weekend I was suffering from severe eye seizures and instead of eating, sought cold colas and milkshakes, sucking it down on the right side of the mouth to induce unilateral brain freeze. I went to the diner next door, hosting a mere two other patrons and ordered a milkshake and soda. The waitress was my age. When she returned to take my food order I gave her the menu and asked for another soda and milkshake. She protested, saying it was not good for me.

I answered, “Look, girl, I’m a grandparent, firmly into my second childhood and you grownups are not telling me what to do any longer!”

She went off in a huff, brought back my drinks with a bill in which she charged me for the soda instead of giving me a refill.

If Man is God as the atheists believe, than he surely hates us all and I hate the bugger back!

When You're Food: Raw:

A Fighter’s View of Predatory Aggression: The Forever Autumn Press Edition

Add Comment