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‘Dis Corolla Shit’
T. Spoone Slickens and Justin W.R. Justice Reporting from Harm City with Riley from the Last Redoubt
Riley, when I read this email yesterday—me living in a tent, in a garage, in the back of an automotive graveyard—I went out of this here public office [a bar] and flipped open the phone, intent on researching this for you by contacting two redoubtable reporters in the field. Actually they were drinking on milk crates outside of Brennen’s bar in Northeast Baltimore.

Mon, Mar 9, 9:26 PM (2 days ago)
James,
Spring! That’s what all this is about. Wizened weasels feel the sap running due to surviving February, never imagining they’ll be dropping before Autumn.
A society bamboozled by a new yearly flu out of China reveals another aspect, loss of long-term memory. Never mind failure to see Bio Warfare in action. No toilet paper in stores in the world’s wealthiest nation, while we wait for vaccines from China.
If I were a stock market I’d Porpoise too.
Sent from Riley

Justin W. R. Justice: So, mista I got my own black studies book en shit, you sposedly the big-brained nigga up in hea. What you make a dis carolla virus?
T. Spoone Slickens: Which way the wind blowin’.
Justin W. R. Justice: Say what?
T. Spoone Slickens: You herd me, Negro. Young hopper, yo ass ain’ but sixty two.
Justin W. R. Justice: [Licks finger and puts it out in the wind] Wind blowin’ downtown, Massa Slickens, Sa.
T. Spoone Slickens: Den ged you young ass up en move ova.
Justin W. R. Justice: Say what?
T. Spoone Slickens: Move it, Negro before I go all Petey Wheatstraw on yo trifling’ ass!
Justin W. R. Justice: [as he rises and slides over] But why?
T. Spoone Slickens: You ass was upwind. Now yo ass is down wind. Continue.
Justin W. R. Justice: Oh, you mutha fuca!
T. Spoone Slickens: Well, lille Jimmy aksin’ our asses, so you know it got to do with a negative suspicion on the part of his devil-brained self that dis shit is gonna hit the black man hard.
Justin W. R. Justice: You know it! It was that Trump muthafuca—you know it was. Tricky Dick made that Anaconda Malt Liquor to shrink the black man’s dick and you know he hatched dis shit up to keep us from voting for Ole Pimp Joe.
T. Spoone Slickens: Negro, please! Ain’t but thirty Negroes allowed to vote in these enn-tire United States outside a Florida on account of our womenfolk getting’ our asses locked up by the man so that they can spend our rent money on weed!
Justin W. R. Justice: Point, point. Dey don’ call may man here the Ebony Encyclopedia for naught, do they?
T. Spoone Slickens: You knows it, Son.
Justin W. R. Justice: So?
T. Spoone Slickens: So what?
Justin W. R. Justice: Out wit it, Professa Slickens...I can see that Dapper Dan pomade meltin’ from that big brain kickin’ inta gear—a butha needz ta know!
T. Spoone Slickens: Its them Jap-a-neese.
Justin W. R. Justice: What?
T. Spoone Slickens: Its in the name.
Justin W. R. Justice: What…who would name a virus after a car—why, dem fish eatin’ white niggas…wait, why dey wann kill off dey customers ova hea?
T. Spoone Slickens: Oh, now they don’t. Believe you me they got an answer. Ga-ron-tee, before flu season hit next year there is going to be a new Toyota Corolla done got the newest pace age air filtration ever devised by human mind.
Justin W. R. Justice: So where Trump come in on dis?
T. Spoone Slickens: That’s the easy one, son, that HEPA filtration system the Japs come up with, they put the weave in his hair—you know the Japs got these little lap dogs they harvest their soft fur for white executive hair weaves.
Justin W. R. Justice: Yes! Dat’s why dis muthafuca immune ta dis shit, shakin’ the diseased hand and smilin’ all the way to the bank…
[ten minutes later as Justin W.R. Justice buys the next round of iced beer and rum in recognition of his intellectual superior…]
T. Spoone Slickens: Oh yeah, Jimmy Boy—he still lappin’ it up en ‘ill be spreadin’ that fable around town from shinolla to sundown. You know these hoppers here done killed more U.S. citizens last month than that Corolla virus has nationwide, en here we are, watching a TV show on the airspeed of a sneeze.
T. Spoone Slickens: Oh yeah, Cowbell’s keepin’ the beer cold…

Dear James,
The safety of our customers and employees is Amtrak's top priority. We are closely monitoring the Coronavirus (COVID-19) and are taking action based on guidance from public health experts. In order to maintain a safe environment and address customer concerns, we are taking measures including:
• Enhanced cleaning protocols. We have increased the frequency of cleaning service on our trains and at our stations.
• Additional antibacterial products. We have increased the quantity of sanitizers and disinfectant wipes available for customers and employees throughout our trains and stations.
• No change fees on bookings made through April 30, 2020. We are waiving change fees so you can book travel on Amtrak® with confidence, knowing you have the flexibility to change your plans.
We have temporarily suspended three trains that operate between New York and Washington (Trains 2401, 2402, 2403) due to lower demand and additional changes to our schedule are under consideration. Amtrak continues to operate 300 daily trains, including more than 100 daily trains on the Northeast Corridor and continues to serve all of our stations. If schedules are modified for any existing reservation, we will contact you to provide an update.
We will continue to respond to the latest on COVID‑19 with customer and employee safety top of mind. Please visit this page for further information on our efforts, which we will continually update. For additional information about the Coronavirus, visit the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) website . As always, we will strive to create a safe and enjoyable experience for your Amtrak journey. Thank you for being an Amtrak customer.
Sincerely,
Roger Harris
Roger Harris
Chief Marketing and Revenue Officer
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