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The Truth about Hand Baskets
A Shithole Nation Pandemic Resource
Now that we have overtly and officially become a shithole nation, I thought some survival backstory might be in order.
Normally, before the pandemic, I never went shopping and then stood around and ate anything I bought.
I never eat with my hands in public, even at a tablecloth diner.
When I worked in retail food I never ate on my break, but drank from a bottle, an iced coffee or chocolate milk, to avoid having to put my hands near my mouth after having touched the filthy world.
I knew how filthy you humans were from my time as a grocer, beginning with being a janitor. Normally, when I shop at the dollar store, I will look for an empty box and use that. Then, yesterday, I noticed that the handbaskets by the door actually looked clean, usually, at a glance, all handbaskets other than those at the store I managed, are obviously filthy. This is of concern to me as someone who my roommates have always thought was a “clean freak.” You see, only 25% of people wash their hands after wiping their ass or handling a toilet, so I’m picky about handling their besmirched carry baskets.
I was shocked yesterday, when I entered the dollar store and the hand baskets were clean. I normally stack the baskets under the register for them as the cashiers are always backed up. I always wash my hands as soon as I come home so felt like I was taking no risk. As I was taking them to the front door the cashier panicked, “Sir, no, I have to wash them first!”
Wow.
Typically hand baskets get washed early in the summer and right before Thanksgiving.
Some stores and chains never wash them.
I had Gary wash them every month, and then every week, once I had a full janitorial crew.
Think about that. The normal handbasket in pre-pandemic Murica was washed every 183rd day. Now, at this one store, each hand basket is being washed roughly 4 times a day.
That is more than a slight improvement.
I’m back to using handbaskets now, at least at the Dollar Tree, one place in this filthy, third world shithole country where I don’t have to handle human feces smear when doing so.
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