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Best way to handle street window washers?
a question from a twitter friend who linked a reddit post:
Lynn Lockhart
Sat, Apr 25, 11:09 AM (2 days ago)
What is the best way to handle street window washers? I was at the intersection of MLK and Washington Blvd. on Saturday, and there was a group of teenagers coming up to cars and washing their windows. In my case, the person walked up, started washing my window without asking, and then started demanding money. When I told him that I never asked him to wash my window (and thus wasn't going to pay him), he ran his soapy squeegee along the right-side windows of my car and then hit my car with the end of the squeegee, leaving a small dent. And I ended up having to wash my windshield again anyway because the teenager in question did a shit job on it.
Regarding that specific incident, I called the police and gave them a heads-up that teens were washing windows without asking, demanding money, and then hitting people's cars if they didn't get any money. And I'm not worried about the dent.
I'm looking for a good strategy on how to repel these teens before they ever touch my car. I don't want them to even touch my car, let alone wash my windows, and especially not damage my car because I won't pay them for a service that I didn't ask for. Any ideas?

Guilting is a precursor to violence and is the entry-level stage of aggression used by a feral person against a person saddled with a higher ethical code.
Guilting is even more productive—as seen by the great success of squeegee kids in Baltimore—when it targets materialistic people, which would include any car owner or home owner who is at that moment, occupying or next to, their most valuable or second most valuable possession. This makes guilting more potent as it takes place at the very cusp of class stratification and carries the implicit threat of damage to your precious dwelling or conveyance.
I was shopping with my friend Rick in Pittsburgh a few days ago during a gust of global warming cold and he was confused that I refused to get into the car when he unlocked it and instead waited from him to put it in drive. You see, in Baltimore, I have long associated being targeted for violence with being in or near a vehicle—it is quite an asset and attracts hoodrats like a carcass brings hyenas.
You cannot use the car as a weapon, lest the police allies of your attackers will come in like the blue cavalry to the brown rescue.
You should internalize that the car is not an asset but a mobility tool that will always become less valuable. Think of it like a marine thinks of his landing craft. Modern cities are all now culture war, anarcho-tyranny zones.
The clutch aspect of the window washer extortion is the choke-point ambush of the automotive herd. The herd behavior of suburban to urban commuters is what makes this caper sing to the feral mind, which is a low tolerance predatory filter purposed for victim selection. Note that "herd immunity" is becoming a common term in discussions of the shamdemic. This is how the elite think of us, as a herd. Speaking of cavalry. The question that killed Custer should have been how can I not get ambushed, rather than how can I find the enemy. He asked the wrong question. In terms of survival, the question is, how do I not end up at MLK and Washington.
Take secondary and side streets. Plot a back way. Do what a warrior would do in enemy territory. Yes, once ambushed you need to be able to fight back and egress without calling in police or hoodrat reinforcements against you. But the crucial thing is to not thread that kill zone. Go around, lose ten minutes and gain a march on the enemy. We are primates and have a choice to be either predators or prey.
Just avoid herd behavior, think like a hunter and be prepared to sacrifice your chariot to the Thracian barbarians in case you do get outwitted and end up in an ambush. Collect as many scratches on that car as you can. Hell, throw buckets of paint on it and stab the doors with a Phillips head screwdriver and chisel which will all scream to the feral mind, "I give no shit about this, it's just what I use to run over you."
I would be tempted to shot rounds into the side doors but that might bring cops down on you.
Hell, get out there and beat the shit out of that car!
Duct tape it!
Spray paint it!
Dent it.
Scratch it.
Kick it.
Punch it.
Stab it!
Take a bat to it!
I guaranfuckingtee that the window washers will look at it and recoil as if struck by Thunder-chief with the realization that your slumbering race has finally awakened from its lotus dreams of milk and honey to the reality that life is meaningless unless it is mean and bloody.
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Jeremy BenthamMay 3, 2020 1:50 PM UTC

"The Shaming of America is a prelude to the Shakedown of America."

Dinesh De Souza

“I don’t care where you are in America, if you’re on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there’s some violence going down. It ain’t the safest place to be. You can’t call nobody and tell them you are lost on MLK.” (If you do, they will say) RUN! RUN! RUN!”

― Colin Flaherty, 'Don't Make the Black Kids Angry': The hoax of black victimization and those who enable it.
TweetWivMeApril 30, 2020 4:05 AM UTC

"I was at the intersection of MLK and Washington Blvd"

As Car Talk would say, there's your problem right there!

"Do what a warrior would do in enemy territory" yes that is a much better way to look at things. Good one, James.

I'm loving the idea of an intentionally beat-up car. I have grass growing in the vents behind the hood of my truck. If they put too much detergent on my windscreen it might kill the grass.
responds:April 30, 2020 1:48 PM UTC

These are times when the vehicle needs to be imagined as a Sherman tank on D-plus 5 breaking out of Normandy
Ruben ChandlerApril 28, 2020 11:25 PM UTC

I was at a gas station in San Francisco once, fueling up my brand new car, just driven up from a town nearby where cars were cheaper. Some crack head Ubangi came up and just started washing my windshield while I'm pumping gas. I asked if this was a free service from the station and he said no. I said don't touch my car. He kept washing it. I'm finally yelling at the fucker. Yes, I was stupid back then and I realize that now. I finally pulled the pump handle out of the tank as he came up to attack me with that long handled squeegie. I held my bic lighter and held it up to the gas nozzle and told him to make my day....I've used the ruse that I was in a bad way and didn't care if I lived or died successfully on these drug addled Mau Maus several times in life. He freaked the fuck out as I lit the lighter, ran for his fucking life, dropping his bucket and squeegie. Never saw him again. People at the other pumps were laughing. It was the early 80s and SF was a hard fucking town with few to no illusions about hood rat relations. That turned to shit when the dotcummers moved in with their fake platitudes and call the cops when the enemy isn't looking. They're more likely to call the cops on a ghost victim than a gang of imposing unarmed ghetto youts.
responds:April 29, 2020 11:40 AM UTC

This has got to go in the bio!
squantoApril 27, 2020 5:19 PM UTC

1. I just thought it would have been basic knowledge to avoid streets named after civil rights activists or former presidents.

2. In some countries, engaging the wipers, along with a finger wag if they’re pushy, is a social agreement that indicates one declines the services of the indigent entrepreneur. I could see how that might not work as well in the U.S., or even have the opposite of the intended effect, but maybe it could catch on?
responds:April 28, 2020 12:35 PM UTC

How about MLK and Malcolm X Way in Trenton!