Click to Subscribe
▶  More from Harm City Harm City to Chicongo
Pitching Quarters
Sunday, April 5, 2020, 4-7 P.M.
Two weeks ago, when the banks started operating only through the drive-thru window, I saw a box of rolled quarters next to the clerk and asked for two of them—just had an inspiration that the Yeti Waters Cubs would get a kick out of pitching coins.
The big man and his eldest boy and I began using the concrete stoop at front but we were losing quarters in the grass and under the porch. Seeing a stick of chalk, Yeti Waters said, “Hey, we could draw out a concentric target like ski ball.”
The three of us drew a bullseye for 5 points and 4 concentric circles for 4, 3, 2, 1 points in green, blue and brown chalk on the concrete driveway.
For a three man game, each tosses a quarter and high score wins.
We stand about six feet back—perfect social distancing—placing us in the sidewalk, so that the hipsters with their face masks have to walk out in the street.
At the end of the first round, if there is a tie, those two players or all tree throw again. If no one scores, you throw again.
The high score wins.
If a quarter lands on another quarter and stays, it cancels the other.
If a quarter is moved by another, the score is adjusted.
For two players we decided to use multiples of three. Each player flips three coins, the one who won the last game or the last round, going first to give a slight advantage.
The oldest boy, Felix really loves this game and has played for about 4 hours over the past two days. It has improved his basic math, just as Scrabble play has helped his spelling.
We found a magnet and decided that the scoring player might toss it out first with eyes closed and that any quarter touching it was worth three, no matter in a scoring spot or not.
As the resident boomer I get teased quite a bit. So, when I won a big hand in quarters, cleaning up a dozen, and I heard an airliner going out overhead, I cupped my hand to my ear and Felix said, “What?”
I said, “It’s the horn of the Boomers!”
After a good laugh he said, “What practical application does this have—other than taking quarters from other kids, that is?”
“I answered, Zombies, when the zombies crawl up out of the ground, after we hijack that shipment of NATO grenades, we will be better at tossing them than these hipsters, who will just be eaten alive.”
“What?” he said, incredulously, “what are the chances that will happen?”
“Two months ago, when I came here, what were the chances that you’d be out of school three months early and tossing quarters instead of listening to some stupid teacher babble on about global warming?”
He grinned, “Zombies it is!” and he made a three-quarter comeback after being taken all the way down from 12… “Boomer that!”
prev:  Why are you Afraid of Our Masters?     ‹  harm city  ›     next:  ‘Cunt’
eBook
menthol rampage
eBook
the lesser angels of our nature
eBook
when you're food
eBook
the first boxers
eBook
god of war
Add Comment