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'When Did You First Call Bullshit?'
Bob Is Wondering When the Pottery First Cracked
'For me it was 1987 when something big happened around here and a Baltimore Sun reporter came out to interview me. That is when I knew that the media was full of shit, the first glimmer if you will.'
-Bob, 9/18/20 while watching the Clint Eastwood movie Richard Jewell

Bob, it was 1988 for me, meeting Joseph Bellofatto, the excellent artist, who answered an ad for artists I posted when publishing the Tribes role playing setting. Joseph introduced me to Reason Magazine and the journal Liberty. Libertarian thinking for me was an experiment in stepping away from faith in the power structure which I had begun to adopt as a young family man reading a lot of academic history, which took for granted that a strong state meant a strong society. John Hospers and Albert J. Knock, author of Our Enemy, the Sate, were my favorite minds contacted through this reading process.
1992 was the date at which I discovered, that although libertarian thinkers were less ideologically naive than such conservatives as George Will and the general liberal cacophony, that they were fundamentally a distillation of that state of mind, that delusion that civic society may be shared across tribal and biological lines. My journey into the hell of Baltimore truly began in 1992, as I had worked for the previous 11 years, 2 months and 8 days only 1.5 miles from my home, and I was now taking busses to multiple jobs through the city's worst neighborhoods at all hours. By 1995 my life was an obstacle course run between thugs and PIGs.
1996 was the year I began reading martial arts magazines at the supermarket I worked at and became stricken with the absolute childish delusion harbored by almost every practitioner of these arts. This put me on track to write my first book, which was complete by 1998. It taught me how to order my thoughts and explore the chinks in the fantastical delusion I had been born into.
1998 was the year I began reading 1,152 books at the Peabody Conservatory, and where I came into contact with the ancient minds who all disagreed with the modern mind in almost every facet of life.
1999 was the year I discovered that I would never be permitted to own a home, that the house I had been buying for 17 years had been rezoned as a ghetto and I had a choice of moving my family to safety in a suburban rental or go to prison for defending them. In this year I discovered that my childhood suspicion, that the World hated me, was true, that the world hated me for the condition of my birth and that now I would forever be a nomad within the machine dedicated to my destruction, that is also dedicated to the destruction of all human beings. This fantasy I was born into had proven to have a malicious operating system.
2000 was the year I completed my first historical research project, a process which taught me much and has since colored my view of life from an ancient rather than a modern perspective. I had discovered that almost everything written about the subject of ancient boxing was either a mistake or a lie and I began to approach life anew.
2005 I completed writing Broken Dance and the publisher decided not to print it and billed me for my advance.
2006 was the year I took over management of a small supermarket and enhanced my already critical insider's view that the operation of retail food establishments was deeply flawed on many levels. If we never really worked out how to move around food efficiently, than what else might we be screwing up?
2010 was the year I resigned from management on ethical grounds, having decided that I was not amoral enough to operate in the business world. I also finished my first novel and wrote 4 non-fiction books in a few months time and discovered that free of management burdens, I could accomplish quiet a lot as a writer. Also, the writing of the novel somehow made me more insightful in terms of examining history, which I had not expected, having rather assumed the opposite.
2011 was the year I began life anew as a white trash loser, a pedestrian making minimum wage and working at night to support my writing. I was now cast back into the fire of criminality imposed upon me and mine and fought the pressure to flee as I wrote about my experiences.
2017 was the year when I was attacked 20 times on my way about work and shopping in Baltimore City and Baltimore County. This triggered my conversion to hobo living, making me the most alienated and reviled creature of modernity, the failed white man. This has granted me a more alienated view of life than most losers normally achieve and few writers can manage without suicide or drunkenness.
That, Bob, I think is the process by which my mind has been separated from the collective mind of our kind. If this is of any use to anyone, that would make me feel better about being a complete economic and patriarchal failure.
-James, 9/22/20
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Add a new comment below:
gimpyJanuary 15, 2021 12:07 AM UTC

James, what are your thoughts on BAP (Bronze Age Pervert)?

And how can I help?
ncJanuary 4, 2021 9:10 PM UTC

Are you 5 or 6 decades into life? Or how many years into or out of the "mine field" are you?