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Alien Abduction?
A Missive to the Readers from a California House of Ill-Repute: Dateline 3/7/21
Usually, so I am told, it is aliens who abduct humans.
However, I, a humble extraterrestrial anthropologist, 116th in a class of 116, consigned to this savage planet of the apes trying to make sense of you beasties, have apparently been abducted.
The first time this happened was in Salt Lake City in 1861when I attempted to retrieve my two distress beacons from the patriarch there, and he set a dozen or more of his stout wives upon me. I was soon sold in San Francisco as the least-able seaman on a listing tub…
I get behind myself here. The point is, that I am once again in a state of abduction and at the hands of the distaff half as well. This nice Asian lady is helping me rehabilitate an injury done to me almost exactly fifty years ago by a pediatric surgeon at the ironically named Mercy Hospital in Baltimore Maryland.
I am told that it is not a quick fix and that I must return for regular therapy after I am released from behind this bamboo curtain, whose silk-clad young denizen seems to have cast a spell over my soul with her wicked wiles.
So, maybe it is a subduction.
In any case, having finally exhausted her 30 word English vocabulary after four days, she has permitted me to use her owner’s wyfy to make some Monday Morning posts this Sunday night.
By Friday, I should be living in a Toledo Ohio crack house if all goes well. The east glares balefully across the incontinent at me, most of my loved ones driven into reclusion by the Dread Minus. I do not know how long I will linger in that fetid realm of Mordor. However, I should begin regular posting on Saturday. My host said that the wify signal from the liquor store downstairs is unsecured and I should be good to go.
Until then, I have tried to address the emails and comments which I was unable to address while I was in Idaho.
Thank you, kind Sirs, and you three sweet Ladies as well, for your patience and support.
James LaFond, San Francisco, Sunday, 10:47 P.M., 3/7/21
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