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At The Gates of Inebriation
A Combat Confessional
Yesterday, 7/5/14, at about 11:30 Erique, Charles and I were gathered at Mike Nichols place to settle in for our three-way brawl. I remember discussing fighters of note from our past, and the subjects of Al Profit’s Detroit documentary. I clearly recall only the following: drinking two beers, drinking two rum and cokes, drinking a very strong beer, and then drinking too much of a pint of whiskey.
Somewhere in there I recall Charles’ wife being quite the loyal woman, and reminding him that I was not drunk enough. I was also later told that I devoted more energy to looking at Erique’s wife than to anything else, for which, I do recall apologizing—hopefully with eyes averted.
The concept had devolved to this:
1. Erique, with 14 months of experience, would be sober, and would choose the weapon sets.
2. Charles, with 10 years experience, would be drunk.
3. James, with 16 years experience, would be really drunk. I do recall still being declared drunk at Doctor Dave’s cookout—and he is an ER surgeon who knows a drunk when he sees one—at about 7 in the evening.
Unfortunately my combat recollections are limited to the following:
1. Being behind the curve in the knife fighting.
2. Being callously used by Charles as a hunting dog/human shield in our two-on-one knife fights against Erique.
3. Having Charles and Erique conceding defeat in stick fights more often than I expected.
4. Eating a nasty head shot from Erique.
5. Taking a throat stab from Charles which still has my right sternomastoid sore today.
Somehow I have avoided a hangover.
I have recovered a score sheet kept by my date and will record the results below, which indicated victors in 12 different weapons sets. I will cut it into blade and stick and post the rounds won by each of us.
Rounds: 21
Erique: 8
Charles: 8
James: 5
Rounds: 18
Erique: 3
Charles: 8
James: 7
We are obviously showing a greater alcohol influence in blade than in stick. However, keep in mind that for any athletic guy like Erique, he will tend to achieve 90% of achievable knife fighting gains in his first year, and spend the rest of his life trying to max out the skill set. Conversely, with stick fighting, it takes a couple of years to develop the level of specific muscular conditioning and the level of relaxation necessary to achieve 50% of your potential. The stick is a longer road to travel.
Lest someone think that my pretty good performance with the stick is an argument for effective drunken stick fighting, please keep in mind that most of my bouts were against Charles, who was also drinking, and that I am regarded by my fellow fighters as having a ‘zombie power’; usually doing better when exhausted or sleep deprived. In fact, the old machete fights from 2005 filmed in the red-carpeted karate school against Damien Kestle, I did after going 96 hours without sleep, and managed to win almost half of the duels.
I’d like to thank you all for making sure I didn’t get hurt or left in a gutter somewhere, and do apologize to Erique, for staring at your wife. Hopefully I did not drool. If I deserve a trip out to the woodshed or down to the whipping post just let me know Bro.
Most of all, I would like to thank Mike for donating his house and yard for the first annual Agonistics Anonymous challenge. Also, our patron, Mister Jim Frederick, showed up with some of his students and posted them so that we would not crack our heads on the brickwork.
I am posting this before Charles gets a chance to edit the video, which I have not viewed. Comments would be appreciated. If you were not there, check back once Charles has imbedded the video.
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EriqueJuly 7, 2014 1:28 PM UTC

Great recall, J! Not only was this super-fun, but it gave me some insight into how dangerous fighting an inebriated, stick-fighting geriatric can truly be!
responds:July 7, 2014 3:46 PM UTC

Just for that geriatric observation—the truth hurts the worst you know—the next time we fight I will bring a six-pack of Ensure instead of Dos Equis!

I'm glad you all had fun.

I makes it safe to assume I did as well.