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‘Black Jebus’
On the Road for the Redneck Leg of the Lebron James Imposter Signed Shoe Tour
Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
I was having breakfast with the owner of a cafe, his son and he are chefs. I taught them how to harvest wild mushrooms and other foods in the wild. When I arrived there was a family of blacks eating breakfast, looked like a father about my age with his family, two young men and woman with a couple of tiny girls. The older man came over and thanked Dante for such a fine breakfast, introduced himself as Mike, asked a few questions about the area. We responded and he went back to his table and sat down.
Dante said, “Kind of friendly for a black guy. He must be selling something.”
I nodded and went back to eating my breakfast. I noticed a white Mercedes, and Cadillac parked side by side in front of the cafe. To describe the older gentleman he was about 6ft, powerfully built, had on what we call a caddy shack multi-colored golfing hat, gold necklace, t-shirt, Levi's. I finished my breakfast and left.
Okay, fast forward to this morning:
My son-in law and I are eating breakfast, headed for my other job to wire up a pump. He is talking about his week at work and tells me about a funny story of helping a black guy fix his Mercedes at a truck stop about 20 miles from the cafe I just ate at.
I described the guy, and he says, "No shit, how did you know?"
I said, "Was this last Tuesday?" and he nodded, 'yes.'
The guy must have headed east and his radiator hose blew and he had his hood up wondering what to do, told my son-in-law that he didn't know a thing about cars, “should have bought the fucking Cadillac.”
My kid and his friend cut the hose down, being enough of it left to reconnect to the radiator. He was praising "Jebus" about the "two angels" that had helped him out.
“Praise Jebus, praise Jebus,” he repeated, often.
They finished fixing his car and he offered to buy them each a 6-pack for their services. They declined and told him they had to get back to work. He motioned them over to the his car and told them he was selling basketball shoes personally signed by Lebron James. Now my son-in law and friend had just fixed his car. They had been laughing at the guy while doing the repairs, named him Jebus. So he offers to sell a pair of the shoes to them for just 175 dollars. He said he paid just 100 to acquire them.
My son-in law says, “You are one lousy salesman. How do you know Lebron signed them? And you never tell anyone about the seller's purchase price.”
He responded, “My son told me they were signed by Lebron.”
My kid said, “If that's true they should be worth thousands of dollars not hundreds. We just fixed your car for free. What the hell else do you want out of us? I think it's time you hit the road.”
He had South Carolina plates and had started his so-called sales trip from Oregon.
Thought you might like this story.
Ishmael
PS
Holy section 8! Just dropped some trout off at Dante's. Jebus is back. Must be setting up camp. Had his wife with him according to Dante—steak and eggs. This dude has money. Wonders never cease.
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Add Comment
Bernie HackettSeptember 26, 2015 12:19 AM UTC

JL:

Sounds like the black version of the Williamsons, Irish "tinkers" who live and work in Amurrica. They live in the Carolinas, I think, and at times of the year sally forth doing homeowner scams, roofing and driveway resurfacings. Once they are gone, the shoddiness of their "improvements" becomes noticible.

This looks like a variation on that theme.

Thinking the "Praise Jebus" dude is passing thru doing his scams, or (worse) looking to find a new base of operations.

The son here said what used to be said in this country, before some of us got all "nice". Well done!