I have had various adults, impressed with my knowledge of history and my love of children, suggest I teach school. I have only been able to consider this as a tragic-comedy sci-fi story about an old crackpot blowing the lid off of the entire douche-bag adult conspiracy against children, and offering a blueprint for subversive self-cultivation for the militant child. I can see no other end to my teaching career than being dragged out of class by school cops, and have postulated no more than a week of tolerance for my presence.
So, what would I teach 35 random kids? I have outlined this as an article and come to the conclusion that I would attempt to make it a week as a teacher—a mere week to instill an ‘operationally defiant conscience’ in these children, in hopes that they might be able to handle their parents better than their parents would probably handle them. This has simply gotten too big for an article. I am placing it on my nonfiction list of books-to-write.
Why Grownups Suck is intended for a child between 10-12 years of age. The idea is to catch them at maximum intelligence before the downward spiral into our crazed version of semi-adulthood that is adolescence. In the meantime, if you can think of anything that you, as a child of about that age—an awakening pre-teen—thought was wrong with the grownup world in general, please leave a post below, so I might include it in my lesson plan.
Contents
1. A Lesson Plan to Incite Militant Child Evolution
2. Hello Kids, I’m the Kid That Got Away
3. Ducking the Teenage Zombie Apocalypse
4. Grownups are Violent, Which is the Main Reason They Suck for You
5. Teachers, and the How and Why of the Grownup Lie
6. Grownups Steal: Theft as the Basis for Grownup Society
7. Why Grownups are Insane, and the Grim Plight of Teenage Crazies
8. Grownups are Stupid, What That Means to You, and How to Use It
9. Super Grownups Suck Even More, and How to Avoid Them
10. The Fact that You Are Property Sucks Even More Than Grownups, and How to Minimize the Suckiness of That
11. Pitting Grownups Against Each Other: An Action Plan
12. The League of Really Old Kids and You
