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Oxygen
Ishmael Expresses His Concern about Guiding a Lowlander in the Rockies
© 2016 James LaFond
AUG/11/16
"Damn, James, you are definitely not cooking on our quest, you are officially the bartender! Defrost Casserole, my God man. That concoction would kill a sewer plant operator and they have tough antibodies.
"Seriously, James, I'm a careful guide and am concerned about taking you up to ten thousand feet on your first day. It usually takes three days to get a lowlander acclimated to the elevation. I've taken lowlanders up and had them pass out and throw up. I had this one guy that required hospitalization and fluids. I know you're tough, but you live at sea level and you've never been higher than, what twenty-five-hundred feet? The way I see it we should get you acclimated up north and then double back and do the mountain. If you want to do the mountain right away, then let me bring some oxygen for you."
-Ishmael
Thanks for your concern, Ishmael, but I want to experience what the elevation change will do to me. According to my doctor, I should already be on oxygen because this abnormality in my lizard brain is causing a nerve to flare up that is constantly cutting off oxygen to my brain. It also causes extreme pain in the right eye. I wear sunglasses from sunup until sundown now. However, there is a benefit to this. I cannot be put to sleep with a carotid choke. I laid on a mat for a half hour once while jiu jitsu masters tried to choke me out at a seminar. I was having a bad attack at the time and every time they stopped choking me the eye would start pounding again and I'd ask them to choke me some more. There was a doctor there who said that I should not "mess with this" ability to function at brain oxygen levels below which most people pass out and that it was not a functional superpower because I did not have a wrestler neck and could be taken out with a head crank.
So, Ishmael, you are holding out the hope that this affliction might just be a functional superpower! I want to know, can I walk up that mountain right off the plane and not pass out? I can pretty much guarantee that I'll be in extreme pain from the eye the entire time we are at elevation. The flight out should be agony. This thing has become like a barometer. As soon as a low pressure system comes in I feel like I've been stabbed in the eye. So, I should handle the nausea well. But, just in case this potential superpower fails me, bring an oxygen tank so you don't have to haul my ass back down the mountain.
Thanks, and I'll see you on the 8th at Salt Lake City.
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C7     Aug 11, 2016

Careful about altitude sickness, James. I'm a flatlander, took a week in NM, going higher and higher from Taos, which I think is at 7000 feet, at the end of the week hiked up Wheeler, 13,200, but I assure you above 12,500 I was in a world of molasses. It seems hard to imagine but I had to stop after every 5 steps to catch my breath. You should take your friend's advice and take at least a few days to acclimate. Cerebral edema and other serious effects of altitude sickness is idiosyncratic, and it won't be fun being in that condition in a remote wilderness.
Sam J.     Aug 11, 2016

We ought to make a movie about you. James you're a mess. You tickle the shit out of me sometimes. :)
Jeremy Bentham     Aug 12, 2016

C7 is correct James. Much above 5000 feet you will experience what it is like to be a feeble old person with emphysema. Especially since you're past the half-century mark. The older you get the longer it takes to recover from things. I am also concerned about Ishmael. Dragging 190 pounds of dead weight down a mountain isn't likely to do his ruptured discs much good. LOL!
James     Aug 12, 2016

Well Jeremy, my gigantic ego looks down ominously upon my actual person and bets you a Colt 45 that I make it up that fucking mountain without an oxygen tank.
Lynn     Aug 12, 2016

Just be sure to carefully record your hallucinations for our benefit.
Jeremy Bentham     Aug 13, 2016

Hallucinations? Ah yes, a vison quest! Thanks Lynn. On second thought go ahead then. This could be your vison quest James. You could ask the sprits to show you how to save Harm City. You could write a book about it. Ishmael, don't give James any food or water for at least a day before you run him up the mountain. Have him swallow a strong purgative too. LOL!
Ishmael     Aug 13, 2016

Lynn, Jeremy, James right eye, will it explode or implode? Also what can I expect with the the inside of his "special" brain concerning hallucinations? Should I pack a weapon? Will he smell Dindu spoor? Will he hear voices, saying kill Ismael, kill Ishmael? Will he think the rocks are doughnuts? Help me out here!
Riley     Aug 14, 2016

James,

Your friend is being professional, and the route he suggests is quite the reasonable approach. You can ignore all this and climb the mountain the first day, but you must remember what you are doing. People say the air is thin up high. It is, but the oxygen is still 20.9 percent. The air is less pressurized up high, having less stuff overhead pressing down. Breathing takes more effort, but you strike me as a non-smoker and in fairly good shape. You can walk up it if you do it humbly. To deal with mountains one must be humble.

The most disconcerting thing about altitude for bottom dwellers are the sudden nosebleeds from low humidity.

All of this means nothing if you flew out West on the 8th of this month. It's a done deal already in that case, you're tending bar, things smell good and your nose is bleeding.
Scott     Aug 29, 2016

I recall a prior post where you said you occasionally see shadows moving in a room, and it made me think about your past fighting history, particularly your retinas: floaters, potential retinal holes or detachments, vitreous detachments, etc. Ishmael is right. Don't forget to factor in you will be flying there and back. Give yourself a day after you arrive, and then take your time getting to elevation, then a day before you leave. Take your time with the pressure changes, protect your retinas.
James     Aug 31, 2016

thanks, Scott.

the way sparring ahs been going I'll show up with a concussion—so it should be a blast.
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