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The Hairy-Balled 007, Telling it Like it Was
By Andrew Ryan

A blast from the past…Sean Connery, the best Bond, explains the proper care and maintenance of women in this Playboy interview. Shocking stuff by today’s standards. Imagine the beta Bond, portrayed by Daniel Craig, acting like Connery in the opening scenes of Goldfinger (1964), or how Bond, the stallion, brutally bangs Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) in the hay in Goldfinger’s stables. Daniel Craig, the metroman basically hated the Bond role, and it showed:

The only good scene in all of Craig’s Bond movies is the final battle scene in Skyfall (2012), where an underarmed Bond, M and a crazy old fat Scottish guy, take on Raoul Silva (Javier Bardem) and his men. (“Do you see what comes from all this politically correct cock sucking, Mr. Bond? All this sucking and plucking? It’s exhausting! Relax…You need to relax.”) The rest is shit.

Here Connery at his matter-of-fact best:

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about roughing up a woman, as Bond sometimes has to do?

CONNERY: I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman–although I don’t recommend doing it in the same way that you’d hit a man. An open-handed slap is justified–if all other alternatives fail and there has been plenty of warning. If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I’d do it. I think a man has to be slightly advanced, ahead of the woman. I really do–by virtue of the way a man is built, if nothing else. But I wouldn’t call myself sadistic. I think one of the appeals that Bond has for women, however, is that he is decisive, cruel even. By their nature women aren’t decisive–“Shall I wear this? Shall I wear that?”–and along comes a man who is absolutely sure of everything and he’s a godsend. And, of course, Bond is never in love with a girl and that helps. He always does what he wants, and women like that. It explains why so many women are crazy about men who don’t give a rap for them.

Playboy November, 1965, at

Now class, let’s discuss whether that is appropriate touching.

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