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Handcock U
Napi Mephisto, Page 28-29 by Ron West

Bozo L’Dodo was past Valedictorian at Handcock University, the famed secular school where he earned this dubious distinction as much for his role as the school’s newspaper cartoonist more so than any academic achievement in the school’s Anthropology department.

A clarinet player in the ‘Fighting Chickens’ band that wore white loafers and attempted redemption with casual idiocy in it’s ‘anti’ marching attitude at sporting events, Bozo’s fame with student, staff and alumni alike was the cartoon he penned lampooning Socrates:

“Men in Togas”

Man in toga: “I am Socrates”

Flying monkey: “I am a flying monkey”

Man in toga under a tree to Socrates: “Sir, the wicked witch of the west has sent too

many flying monkeys to attack us, the walls cannot hold them”

Socrates: “No shit Sherlock, it is a wall, not a net”

Flying Monkey: “The Humans are stupid, we can just fly over their Wall”

Man in toga: “We are doomed, the flying monkeys will eat anything except feces!!”

Socrates: “Brilliant! We are the philosophers, we can turn ourselves into poop!”

Flying monkey: “All of the Humans have gone! All that is left is a lot of fecal matter!”

Another flying monkey: “Let’s throw it!!!”

Steaming pile of poop with flies buzzing around: “Oh shit”

Bozo, who worshiped Archie Bunker for all of the wrong reasons, and suffered from a complex he did not understand relating to his face resembling Richard Nixon, went from Valedictorian to the State Bar, skipping law school because of the loophole that allowed the practice of law for anyone who could pass the exam.

His ‘good old boy’ redneck chauvinist humor and accumulated brain damage from frat parties did not impede his ascension to the practice of law (nor had it impeded his Valedictorian status by acclaim on account of the administration’s fears of ensuing student riots) because his fame as the cartoonist of the ‘Fighting Chicken’ newspaper (and his striking facial resemblance to Richard Nixon) had also earned him the Handcock U forecast (also by acclaim) ‘Fighting Chicken most likely to become 43rd President of the United States’, which in fact waived his taking the Bar Exam altogether.

The presidential forecast was filled by Yale, with a preppie redneck, a West Texan, but with Bozo’s Handcock U Cirriculum Vitae, nearly any door to opportunity was to be opened.

Bozo was fond of collecting Native American artifacts and in fact took his anthropology degree seriously, assailing Indian tribes in his career as an attorney on behalf of science in the numerous legal wars of repatriation over the bones and other items stolen from native burial grounds.

Bozo had been initially bothered by bad dreams from the numerous items of the dead he had dug up during his student internship, or sometimes pocketed for his personal collection in his own solo forays with his archaeological hobby, but was assured by his anthropological mentors this was a common phenomena and that after awhile in the field, for most archaeologists, the nightmares in fact went away.

And so Bozo, living this commonly adopted denial as had his mentors, stopped remembering his bad dreams. His life, rather, was to become the bad dream instead. This was because, as a Native necromancer by default, he did not realize he had to care for his stolen dead with ceremony.

Bozo did not understand, as none of his professors had understood either, the pre-Columbian principles of Quantum reality and memory association between objects, and the idea that once two particles are associated, they remain forever associated in the sense of memory in the Whiteman’s Quantum Mechanics laboratory experiments: which were never extrapolated beyond the setting of the Western Science lab, but in fact were principles interacting in everything in the world surrounding him.

Bozo completely missed (he might as well have added two and two to arrive at twenty-two) the point the Native world had been trying to tell the White world for 500 years, IT IS ALL RELATED!! This missed fact merely made Bozo equal to the innumerable other scientists of his culture without ears or eyes in any significant sense when compared to a Native thinker’s understanding of his surroundings This fact, taken together with Bozo’s ‘good old boy’ attitude towards women, in a physics world ruled by a native Quantum understanding of feminine principles, was to prove his undoing.

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