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A Devil Needs His Fork
Ishmael, Can You Machine Me a New Pimp Cane?

Ishmael, yesterday I was training with the baton you machined for me from that bristlecone pine and also my T-cane, when it occurred to me, that at my dignified age, I should possess a pimp cane. I have trained with a pimp cane that has long since been taken by some wannabe reprobate when I left it at a dojo.

Could you make me a pimp cane of whole grain with a knob fashioned from the same live wood? I would keep it forever by my side, like Conan's broadsword.

It shall be named by our readers, I think, perhaps in a contest for a free copy of Magic Dindus & White Devil.

I am looking for a somewhat longer version than the cane depicted in the hands of Rudy Ray Moore in Petey Wheatstraw, The Devil's Son-in-Law, at the link below.

James how about this?

This one looks like a femur, smack a fellow simian on the skull with that knob!


Ishmael, this would be nice, but, I want it to have less taper [to be just as thick] toward the end where the rubber knob will be—as it must function as a cane too—and with a knobbed stick I will not use the knob as a club end, but rather as a pummel to slash with it like a sword. Legally I don't want to use the knob to stroke with. Besides, I don't need it to break bones. I would use the knob to break a window to facilitate my dramatic escape from a place of ill-repute or to free a ho in distress from the back seat of a pink, '54 Cadillac, not to spatter brains like some barbarian.

Being a Bad Man in a Worse World

Fighting Smart: Boxing, Agonistics & Survival

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BobApril 3, 2017 11:10 PM UTC

No ♪♫Ludwig B♫ "Flat Block Marina" re-runs!
BobApril 3, 2017 10:48 PM UTC

"I'm going to fucking put you in hospital!" (01:45)
La ManoApril 3, 2017 8:39 PM UTC

I have a blackthorn cudgel (or shillaleigh) from my great-grandfather hanging in my kitchen. He said it came from his father in Ireland, and was seasoned the old traditional way by covering it with butter and hanging it in the chimney.

It's 120+ years old and still solid as a rock. If you just gently TAP that root end against your head, it hurts. I can't imagine getting hit with it.

Anyway, if hawthorn wood is anything like blackthorn, it sounds like the way to go!
Ruben ChandlerApril 3, 2017 7:46 PM UTC

Love seeing Rudy Ray Moore and Petey Wheatstraw in a post! A little piece of leather don't ya know? Keith's preface to the book is nothing short of awesome. Go for the hawthorn!
La ManoApril 3, 2017 11:33 AM UTC

James -

You know the rules better than any of us. When you have to use your pimp cane to take down some attacking predator, and after any criminal charges against you are dismissed ... and you're called into court for the civil suit for using a "weapon" against the helpless unarmed teenager, and the lawyer for the plaintiff dramatically holds your stick up in front of the jury .... make sure that it looks like a stick that a crippled old white man used to hobble into court with, not something that Dr. Watson would have taken on a dangerous outing with Sherlock Holmes to hammer Dr. Moriarty's muscle-boy ...

Gandalf always carried Glamdring ("Foe-Hammer" in the Common Speech). For your cane, I suggest "Yo-Hammer". Don't tell anyone though.
responds:April 3, 2017 4:36 PM UTC

You are correct, and many of these online canes are obvious cross-designed as clubbing weapons which the law frowns on muchly.

I have told Ishmael that there is to be no lariat or grip materials, just the stick, and I will not use the pummel—knob end—for defense unless I'm attacked by a lion or leopard.

Yo Hammer it is. Other names will have to go to other canes.

You just earned your copy of Magic Dindus and White Devils.
IshmaelApril 3, 2017 9:25 AM UTC

I have oak or hawthorn, cut in the winter, seasoning in the shop, choose your pimp wood white devil.