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'Are You Crazy!'
Lyft Meru in the Land of the Rude and the Home of the Insane

Meru is a Nigerian LYFT driver.

I pray each day, that a real job comes through.

When that prayer goes unanswered I pray that I will not have to deal with any crazy people today. Then I recall that I am a fool to ask for such a thing, for my very purpose as a LYFT driver is to drive crazy people who are too insane to own a vehicle—yourself excepted, of course.

My sisters and mother ask me how I can even enter Baltimore City, they say it is so horrid—and it is, they are right. But there are cities in Nigeria that are exactly like Baltimore. Not all Nigerian cities are civilized. It is the men from those cities that are taking over the businesses in Baltimore, for they know how to deal with such rude and aggressive people as these. Have you noticed, that it is a fact, that not a single business proprietor in the vast majority of Baltimore City businesses is an American?

Why cannot the well-behaved, morally inclined Americans stand up to this simple savagery?

For how log can a man flee from danger without turning and facing it and forging himself as a man in its very teeth?

For how long can a nation of men, run from danger and remain a nation?

I ask you this, for I see you are a man, and appreciate you protecting my daughter [I advised her about the boys her age stalking the neighborhood in ski masks.]

How long can a man run before he can no longer look into the mirror and see a man?

There is something wrong with this situation; it is out of balance and I do not know what it is, or why, only that this is wrong!

I no longer drive at night. The last time I did so, four Towson University students got in and I did not realize there was a fifth. I released the emergency brake and the car rocked and she—the final passenger—screamed at me, "Are you crazy!"

I put it back in park, turned off the car, took off my seat belt—turned to the young man next to me and said, "You can get out."

I then turn back to her, "Am I crazy? This is my car. I contracted to give you a lift. Your safety and satisfaction is my concern. Why would I want to hurt you? To think I was going to run you over before I checked my mirrors and engaged in drive—that, is crazy. You people may now all leave my car. I am through for the night and am cancelling the fare."

This young woman stood as if struck by lightning—with a fear as if I were a tyrant king sending her off to execution. And her man child date, and the creature next to me in the passenger seat who whined like a baby, these are not, nor will they ever become, men. The women in this country are out of control. I have never seen its like. They have too much power and it must be taken away. They are simply not rational creatures. And to think that two young men permit a woman—a crazy one at that—to dominate the interactions between them and a hired man, well that is simply beyond belief!

And see if you can believe your ears when I tell you this: Yesterday, I was on a major street at the traffic light, when the light turns green. And then what do I see, but two boys walking across in front of me. The young one is four. The older one, guiding him, is perhaps eight. And do you know that this young boy looked at me like he was a gunfighter, as if I were his enemy? I point to the green light and say to him, "Do you not see that the light is green?"

And this boy glares at me as if he is the man and I am the boy!

He is to be pitied, I suppose, for being fatherless—for there seems to be no fatherhood tradition in this nation, which is simply astounding—and beyond that to have a mother who demonstrates less concern for her children than an opossum, he is surely to be pitied. But I owe him no kindness—and what will he get as he errors along the way, but pats on the head and acts of kindness for no other reason than he is a rude and stupid creature.

I shall pray once again for the return of a job that does not involve conveying these insane people and I will hopefully not be answered with laughter. You have a good day, I am off to transport crazy people across the mad city of Baltimore!

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