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▶  More from Harm City Big Ron's Baltimore
From Pranks to Survival Situations
Some Examples of Dealing with Drunks and Criminals in Drinking Establishments


We were working down near the Key Bridge on the transit authority police station and we would all go out there and fish in the morning before we went to work. I kicked over a log and this big water snake tried to swim away. He was about three-and-a-half, almost four feet—fuckin’ big. Almost as thick as my wrists. My wife was tending bar at the Hub Cap and I went in there and curled him up and put him in the toilet. It was just a water snake—not poisonous. And some drunk women went in there and came out screaming. So I propped myself up as the savior and went back there and saved the day, put him in the bucket and took him back the next day.

Another time a bunch of Armistead Gardens guys came in there [to the Hubcap] and started bullying. It was four of these guys, good-size guys, at least two of them had nice leather jackets. They were getting loud and rowdy and asking people to shot pool. Now no one guy wants to go back and shoot pull. They were telling people, “You’re coming back and shooting pool. It basically got down to it was the bartender and me and them. They ran everybody out. Guys are leaving the bar, basically run everybody out of there.

And then the one guy comes up on me and asks me, “Hey Hoss, do you want to shoot some pool.”

I said, “No, I don’t want to shoot pool. But I’ll buy you a drink,” and ended up talking to them.

They wanted to get people back there, bullying people into shooting pool for money—and you know how that would have gone. I figured I’d leave this bar on my two feet of my back. They weren’t running me out. Later, after midnight, the big fat guy that was with them they made a bet that he could drink 11 beers in under a minute and this fat fuck put down 11 of them in under a minute and goddamn it looked like a beer tap came out of his nose and mouth when he puked it all up.

Another Hub Cap situation, we were sitting in there with Alvin. He’s an auto mechanic, walks home, always getting beat up in these dindu fights when he walks home dunk. Timmy was in there, another auto repair guy. Timmy was a drug addict, a real junky that could fight. A little bit of an animal. I knew guys that did time in prison and said he used to strong-arm dindus in prison. Timmy comes in and wants to sell some stuff and he gets in an argument with Alvin.

Timmy says, “Lets step outside,” and he goes outside.

I tell Alvin, “Don’t go out there. You don’t know what he’s got with him and he’s no lightweight.”

Well, Alvin went out there and come back in with a broken nose and a split lip. His ego got to him and he got the shit beat out of him. Alvin would get drunk and run his mouth and went out there and paid the cost of not staying in his lane and minding someone else’s business.

As you well know, a bar is a place to come and check the criminal pulse of the city, to check in on what is really happening on the street.

One night, the one girl, Cathy worked there on a real busy Saturday night and a couple came back to play the poker machine and the woman and man were sitting side-by-side. She had a coat over her lap and they used a cordless drill to drill the lock and take the money out. Come to find out they hit numerous bars on Belair Road that night.

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