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The Snitchin’ Bitch
Black Rob’s Life on the Couch

Black Rob is the common street name of Columbine Joe, a longhaired white boy living in the hood.

I moved in with a long-time friend and her mother, paying $100 a month to sleep on the couch, in the public space, no privacy, very little sleep.

They knew I smoked my herb. We were straight up about that when I moved in.

Then the landlord who they are renting the apartment from notices that I’m sleeping on the couch and demands that I pay the rent directly to him. Part of the reason they had me move in was protection, that I was a dude and they were no longer two women living alone in the hood.

Then I get asked why I am not pitching in for groceries, and I inform them that I only eat at work and never eat at home. Personally, I wouldn’t eat anything that came out of their kitchen.

Then they ask me why I don’t do the dishes and I respond that I do not wash dishes because I do not dirty dishes—at all.

Then, my roommate, my longtime friend for like twenty years, tells me that I need to kick them some money or she is going to call the cops and have me busted for smoking weed!

That’s what longtime friendship means to a woman when the cash stops flowing.

So I’m looking for a place, Bro.

One Soul Under God: The Humorously Examined Life of Columbine Joe

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