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Beast versus Crumb #2
Results of A Submission Boxing Bout Fought: 3/22/24
© 2024 James LaFond
MAR/26/24
The Beast O’Neal
Birmingham, England
-6 feet
-192 pounds
-58 years
Crumb the Crackpot Cracker
-5’ 7”
-168 pounds
-61 years
We were supposed to have video, but that did not work out.
Some big Murkan land whale was shooting dissolute hoops on the court while O’Neal and I shook hands, placed mouth guards and slipped on gloves.
Last year, O’Neal rarely hit me.
February, he caught up to me and I started to cut angles, turn him and get behind him—quite the little bully there.
Since we decided to fight three weeks ago, O’Neal has actually been training his foot work. That made the difference. Last week I schooled him 7 of 8 rounds him shoving me out on the 7th. Comparing notes, I was still sore a week later and he never felt a thing but a sore nose bridge.
We started at 1:20 P.M. just as the rain broke long enough to permit the lesser angels to sneer down.
Round 1
From left lead I tried to deal jabs and move, but his reach got me, so I went to his body and came up to his head. We traded power punches, him thumping my left floating rib. I went up stairs and he returned, so I shelled, looking at his chest, and he used both forearms to shove me out by the shoulders.
30 second break.
Round 2
From southpaw I beat down his jab with stops. He caught up to me and I stalled by stepping on his foot. He then bored in behind a 1-2 and I beat the body, him doing the same, to my left floating rib. The extra weight, and the cause within me that I should be able to trade from the pocket and bang him around, got me hit hard.
He shoved me out again.
30 second break.
Round 3
This one initially went my way, even though he thumped my forehead and, rang my left ear [which is bruised] and thumped the body again. I had him turned and in my wheelhouse but he kept stepping around. I circled out wider to get behind him and he called me out as I hit him with a combo to the body, from clear out of the tip-off circle.
30 second break.
Round 4
We went for each other and as we grunted and traded punches the land whale stopped shooting hoops. O’Neal came up the middle between my gloves and hit my nose. I returned a hook to his head and he banged the body twice in the same spot as before. I was hurt and went for him by shift stepping southpaw behind him and hitting him with a 5 punch combo to the body, three above the kidney and two to the chest, then up to the chin which he deflected by pulling in his shoulder. I was on the hunt. So as he started to step around I checked his shoulder and felt the intercoastal between the floating rib and bottom rib strain. One more power shot there and I might be injured and unable to spar or use crutches, so I called myself out.
4 rounds to 0, for The Beast O’Neal.
Time, 1:30, 5 minutes, minus 90 seconds for 3 minutes 30 seconds of boxing, with few jabs thrown be either man.
Good job—he hit a lot harder than I did. Last week I had him walking into punches. This week he kept the center and waited for me and I ate the power.
We will try and do another bout this summer.
In the meantime, O’Neal will not have a sparring partner. He has good control and would like someone to train with. I left him with the gloves and a spare mouth guard. If you are a Portland area man who would like some boxing fun, contact me at 443-686-0598 and I’ll send O’Neal your phone number.
My conqueror also bought me two 25 ounce Coors lights in frosted mugs at the Timeout Pub.
Thank you.
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