In Ghetto Grocer #4 we sang the song of Scabby Abby, the supermarket bakery clerk, who did not wash her hands, threw her underwear away in the restroom after—well, after, brushed her teeth in the hand sanitizing sink, applied Fixodent to her dentures on the bakery prep table, tested her sugar levels there too, scratched her heroin sores over the bread slicer, licked her fingers while she iced cup cakes, and defecated in the backyard of a Baltimore country family home while waiting for the bus.

Really, you threw that doughnut in the trash? But it looked so good! Perhaps we could arrange a wedding between Scabby Abby and Denizen Cane.

People in the retail food business migrate from company to company. I am often called by managers for references and clerks for tips on dealing with the managers. Just last night two informants from my ghetto grocer intelligence network came through for me concerning the fate of Scabby Abby at her new workplace—Walmart!

Both informants told me that Scabby Abby was firing up heroin in the Walmart restroom while on the clock. She even had her arm tied off. Although the Scabby One claimed to be giving herself insulin, she was not believed, and was fired and barred from the premises.

Not only was this outcome tragic in that Abby no longer has access to a full service restroom. But, according to my female source, Scabby Abby’s photo [which will generally be taken of a shoplifter and placed on a ‘barred board’ in the security office] was posted at each register, facing the customers, with the caption, “Do not hire this person”!