Being in mental institutions, and prisons for 200 percent of my life, I can tell you that the following is quite normal behavior for doctors, and indeed, very mild compared to some things I have seen:

“A Dallas-area doctor was recently suspended by the Texas Medical Board following a spate of bizarre and even dangerous behavior at his practice that some might describe as being demonically inspired.

According to a local CBS News affiliate in North Texas, Dr. Kurt Pflieger first started showing signs that something was wrong back in January when co-workers say he tried to roughhouse with a two-year-old patient, whom he reportedly attempted to throw over his shoulder and missed, sending the child plunging to the floor head first.

At one point, Dr. Pflieger started bringing a dog with him to the office, witnesses say, where he would roll around with it on the floor in the hallway, right in the way of patients and their families. This was bookended by his showing up to work late on the regular, sometimes wearing the same shirt and sweatpants three days in a row.

Perhaps most disturbing were Dr. Pflieger’s verbal outbursts while seeing his patients. According to reports, Dr. Pflieger would traipse into patient waiting rooms while in the middle of praying out loud, only to suddenly scream “SATAN!” much to the shock of those in his presence.

When he wasn’t showing up to work with slurred speech, presumably due to alcohol or drug consumption, Dr. Pflieger was apparently engaging in strange behavior like slapping co-workers on their rear ends, announcing his sexual behavior in inappropriate ways, and even calling staff meetings only to declare his relationship status.

Dr. Pflieger even started committing illegal activity when he began handing out prescription pads to his office staff and telling them to write prescriptions if they needed to, which is a federal offense. The final straw, however, was when Dr. Pflieger arrived at work crying while still wearing his pajamas, which is when the authorities decided to intervene.”

I think it is cute that the authorities only intervened after the pyjama incident, not the kiddy-wrestling head planting one. Here, in the secret high security mental institution which I am in, deep under Baltimore, MMA wrestlers come to practice holds and locks on us patients just to get things down to a fine art before the matches. Having heads pile-driven into the cement is just part of another day at the offal works. It is something to look forward to.