Wow, what a movie. Dr Frankenfurter, the transgender, transvestite, transcendental psychiatrist here at the secret underground Baltimore metal mental institution for the politically incorrect insane, thought that it would help inmates to have a day off beatings and cattle prods inserted in our anal orifices, so with armed guards, off we went, up into the surface air to see “Avengers: Infinity War.” The deal was that I write a review for all the good people surfing the net, who would crumble to dust, like 50 percent of the characters did at the end of the movie, without revealing the plot. That is why there are those cautions added in reviews about spoiler alerts ahead. But, who, in their right TV mind would trust someone even madder than Thanos to do such a thing?

Ok, here is the entire plot, or what I can remember, and my memory is fading fast. So, it starts where the last Thor movie ends off. All of the Asgardians look dead. Loki is not, and Thanos, the ultimate bad guy wants the space stone from Loki. Before giving it to him, Hulk suddenly appears (where the fuck was he when the battle was raging?), starts beating on Thanos. It just makes grape man mad, who then beats Hulk to unconsciousness. Loki gives Thanos the space gem, after a barely alive Thor is tortured. Then he turns on Thanos, who breaks his neck. Hulk is sent back to earth by a dying Heimdall (played by super-black Idris Elba, who the chattering class want as their 007). Then Thanos, bless him, spears Heimdall, then disappears from the space ship which then blows up.

Shit, I am already forgetting how the story goes. Anyway, there are two gems on earth , and all the super-fuckers fight Thanos’ hordes to keep them. They could have stopped Thanos getting all six stones really easy. The gem held by the android Vision could have been destroyed by the Scarlet Witch, but since she was bonking the robot, she did not want to let go of her sex toy, even though in the end she did destroy Vision’s mind gem. But, Thanos then had the time gem, so he could undo everything. And, Dr Strange ended up giving the time stone to Thanos, merely to save rich ϲunt Tony Stark/Ironman’s life. He had a vision that the only way of beating Thanos was to give him all six gems. Mystical logic. Fortunately, Dr Strange was one of the 50 percent to turn to dust at the end of the movie, which made me cheer because he gave me the shits even more than the other “heroes.” Except Captain America, who symbolizes everything wrong with the world. Hail Hydra! Let’s make America Hydra again!

Even with the six gems, Thor manages, with his new super hammer Storm Breaker, to plant the ax part in Thanos’ chest. Thanos says that he should have gone for the head, another fuck up. Then Thanos wipes out 50 percent of the life in the universe. Black Panther disintegrates to dust, with Nick Fury, our favorite black guys. Bucky, who may be Captain America’s gay lover, rots too. Unfortunately, Cap does not go to dust, the deluded patriotic prick. But, enough died to make me moderately happy. If only they all died: that would indeed be the ultimate movie where the bad guy wins all. Still, it was 50 percent on the mark.

The movie’s first ending had Thanos sitting in some nice cave watching the sunrise knowing that he has restored balance to the universe by depopulation. Hail Thanos! Then, after the credits, we see Nick Furry before his disintegration sending a message to Ms Marvel, the forthcoming hyper-feminist superhero who is probably going to save the day in the next Avengers’’ movie, which is rumoured to be called “Avengers: Infinity Gauntlet.” If I directed it, she would be made into Thanos’s sex slave.

But wait, didn’t this review title say no spoiler’s, and I have given away the entire plot of the movie, and anticipated how the next movie will end? Well, I did say “not ONE spoiler.” Here there have been heaps of them. That’s my kind of review: no surprises left!

Hope you all enjoy the movie, it was certainly Marvel’s best!

PS: for the LaFondians, the thesis of Thanos, that the world is overpopulated and that drastic culling is needed to restore ecological balance, is profoundly correct. Thanos randomly destroyed 50 percent of populations. He did not discriminate, so how can that be bad? He was like a gamekeeper, eliminating surplus population so that the herd could survive. He made the case with reference to his own planet that crashed due to population surplus and overshoot. He said that the worlds where he did a culling were all now prosperous as people learnt to live within their means. Thanos is a disciple of Garrett Hardin and the lifeboat philosophy. He is a fellow traveller:

But, couldn’t he have just increased the resources of the universe, infinitely, as this guy thinks?

No, that is the same mentality lying behind the liberal open borders immigration mentality that the chattering class support. Even the infinity stones can’t get around that, as population numbers exponentially increase, as Malthus saw, leading to a tragedy of the commons, even an infinite one. Why make the universe into more of a shithole than it already is?

Thanos was right. Thanos for president!

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