It was a white trash cat fight (one might have been light-skinned black), and I called security. Then some woman asks me what I’m going to do about this fight between these very large ladies. I told her that I called security. What am I going to do, get squashed? It started out with the big fat young women, one with a baby, pulling hair and screaming.

And for some reason a black dude in a pink suit from one of the jewelry stores came over to yell, and he threw a few punches. The security guard yelled, "Dude, get back in your store!”

First off, our security is comprised of senior citizens and a soft spoken 5’3” dude with glasses who I would have thought was an IT guy or an accountant if it wasn’t for his uniform. They are all nice people, but what are they supposed to do about a fight?

It started with just a few young women pulling hair and wrestling in front of JC Penney’s, but then another group of women (possibly their mothers?) started pushing through the crowd and stomped up the broken escalator to join the fight, knocking over the out of order sign. The one woman was so fat she couldn’t make it all the way up. I would say the trashiest part was that they had little kids with them. Everyone looked too chunky to be on drugs though.

The manager for security had to keep yelling at the jewelry store employee to go back to is store, because he kept trying to get involved.

Then the cops showed up and arrested all of them.

No, I didn’t see the cops put a baby in a cage or anything.

No, not a leash either.

No, I did not see a papoose. Perhaps they were using one of the baby carriages we rent. I don’t know what happened to the baby. Suffice it to say that the event reaffirmed my opinion of humanity.

-Alice

Nice Day for a Funeral