The thing to shoplift in the ghetto now is black pepper and no one knows why. The fiends, junkies and crackheads smashing and grabbing through the aisles are not talking. But at Cheap Guys R Us, just the other morning at the tail end of night, as the Mac Daddy was clocking out, this fiend bolted past Darrin the night captain as he opened the front door for the day at 6 A.M.
The fiend then bolted down the spice aisle, took the 5 cans of pepper left on the shelf, as they are no longer being stocked and began “cussing up a storm.”
In a rage the man then bolted for their door, which Darrin had “blocked with his big ass.”
Fiend: “Move out da way.”
Darrin: “Leave what you took.”
Fiend: “Niggar, I say move out da way!”
Darrin: “Shit too, fool—leave what yo took.”
Fiend: “Niggar!” punctuated by two pushing right hands to Darrin’s chest
Darrin: “You done it now, fool!” punctuated by a big negro hand slap to the nappy-haired cranium
Fiend: “Eeaayyyy!” came the war cry of the fiend, punctuated by the sound of his scrawny ass slamming into the tile floor “like Kong slammin’ that snake that was menacin’ that fine bitch”
Darrin: “Muv” stiff-arm to chest from the big-ass looming-standing mount
“a” big right hand to the solar plexus,
“fuc” another big right hand to the chin
“a” left hand steadying the chin
“you” big right hand to the splattering nose
“sassed” big right hand into the scrawny belly
“yo” two hands grabbing the nappy head and smacking it against the tile floor
“last!” a crushing right hand to the ribs under the heart
“The fiend was left lay fo the popo” who dutifully removed it from the doorway minutes later.
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In case you are suffering from shoplifting overrun, Darrin of the mighty hand might be free for hoodrat abatement duty once his store finally gets closed down due to shrink.
Thanks to the Mac Daddy, the original and now retired Harm City hero from The Violence Project, for this timely news flash from the hood.
Thought Crimes: Civil
Harm City
Survival
