As a visiting zoologist—I’m sorry, anthropologist—it is incumbent upon me to refrain from involvement in your aggression sequencing behaviors. When I’m done my work with documenting your first phase—really, you are not so far along as you seem to think—then I shall be recalled, and hopefully permitted to reproduce back on Regal. I’ll be replaced by the military R&D geek squad who will determine how best to weaponize you. I’m no expert, but I think tossing the entire planet load of you little beasties at Sirius would go a long way towards evening that particular score.

No Charles, I am not afraid of being recalled for running on at the information orifice. I’m hoping it will happen at this point. You people are beginning to scare me. Below are some facts concerning the aggression suite you people of Blue—why do you call it Dirt?—refer to as ‘the economy’.

1. While investigating your prurient proclivities [it is one of my necessary sub-routines I’ll have you know] via a Vice video concerning the 300-plus thriving strip clubs in the gluteal augmentation capital of the world, otherwise known as Atlanta Georgia, one of the strip club owners stated that owning a strip club was a smart business decision during an economic ‘depression’! This dumb earthling actually used that term! Your Minister of Finance should have him—oh yes, that brings us to #2…

2. Your Dark Lord’s Supreme Court just upheld the right of the U.S. federal government to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely, without charges, under the NDAA.

3. English professor and sci-fi and social commentary author Andy Nowicki is one step closer to experiencing that NDAA guideline, as he is being targeted for removal from his higher education post based on the content of his published literature [mostly about depressed American men contemplating the meaning of life].

4. Your Dark Lord and his rather pale Lord of the Nazgul just spent 40 million dollars on a vacation, thereby comforting me with the hope that, after a few more generations, your world leaders will once again be as much fun to party with as Caligula.

5. The Generals of Your Dark Lord’s orkish hordes have just entered into an agreement which will permit his minions to operate out of 5 Filipino military bases, which does make my news viewing more interesting. Africa is already boring me—oh yes.

6. Nigerian slave girls are once again being sold to Muslim men in that fine nation. Ah, but for tradition where would we be?

7. The striking young lady who was the CEO of Bitcoin supposedly committed suicide by throwing herself off a balcony in Singapore, where, last year, a young American man working for another multinational was also determined by the sterling Singapore police to have committed suicide in the flower of his youth.

8. Closer to home, the EPA is permitting DOW to spray an upgraded version of ‘Agent Orange’ that goes by the charming name of 2, 4-D, on its crops of genetically engineered soybeans and corn. Yum!

9. Finally, on the upside, 12 investment bankers have committed suicide thus far, merely a third of the way through the 2014th year of your rather imaginative Lord.

That is it, nine unconnected factoids. Please don’t use them to bind any kings in the darkness.

Regal M-116-S