Bob, thanks for including me in your tribe. By westerners, I know you to mean High Country folk, and by easterners, coastal folk and the suburban and urban homesteaders currently defiling your homeland.

Let’s do at least the two most significant sets of differences.

-5. Drinking. Coastal folk drink sweet tea to your unsweetened tea, drink beer and wine to your whiskey and consume soft drinks at a rate you could scarcely imagine. This is apparent in your local grocery store setups.

-4. Food. Coastal types eat more pasta, rice and noodles by a wide margin, more seafood, more pork, less beef and almost no game.

-3. Frails. High Country women run three-points on a 10-point scale above coastal women in looks and personality. The most beautiful woman I have ever met is a bank teller in a small Wyoming town, not a New Jersey stripper. And, this doll, whose name was Kimberly, was as nice as a fairytale princess rather than the raging bitch machine that exceptionally good-looking coastal women devolve into.

-2. Civility. It is fascinating that the hubs of civilization are home to the rudest, most vicious, least friendly folk I have met, while the high lonely places and their small communities of vestigial palefaces are home to kind folk who will wave to you on a deserted road, talk to you on a mountain trail and rescue you from a crumpled vehicle, while the men of Civilization walk by uncaring or rubberneck at your demise—and I have been for most of my life one of these savage and uncaring souls, stepping over the ailing sprawled on cold concrete, concerned only for my own survival in the savage city that spawned me. The humanity that has rubbed off on me out west will probably get me killed one day back east.

-1. Work ethic! The eastern man is a lazy motherfucker, a job-slacking piece-of-shit, forever looking for a reason why the task before him cannot succeed unless some better man or some lesser man does it, depending on whether or not he is a master or slave. Working out west with men who share my sense of urgency for whatever task is at hand has been the only truly fulfilling interaction I have had with other humans—to work with like-minded men towards a common goal.

Thanks. Bob.

Your land where I am a stranger is the only place on earth yet trod by these little slave feet where I have not felt like an extraterrestrial zoologist marooned on some savage planet of the apes.

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