Written on 10/26/19

“James, I’ve been reading lately and this shit is blowing my mind. Then I think, you know, nobody really reads anymore. That’s why it’s such a rush to read, like you are the only person in the mansion that knows where the butler hid the body. It really bothers me that so few young people even read books and that all they do is fall for click bait, listen to the talking heads and watch these fucking brainless movies. So, if a young man actually looked at you and said, ‘I really want to feel better about my place in the world. What book should I read?’”

“What would you say to that young mind?”

-Brian

Miss Lockhart has informed me that I never answer such questions the same, so let me take a few stabs at it.

If I thought the guy has a high level of intellect, I’d say, “Read only stuff written by dead dudes, with a preference for those that died longest ago, being suspicious of books arranged and edited by committee, like sacred texts and academic textbooks.”

If the guy seemed average in intelligence, I’d say, “Find a fiction series that holds your interest and keep reading that until you get hungry for something different, then keep reading that.”

If he was a pretty stupid fuck, meaning if he was about as smart as your typical American, I’d say, “I’ve read thousands of books and I’d have to say, you’ll earn a lot more watching Arturo Gatti and Mickey Ward beat the piss out of each other. Just watch those three fights and consider yourself better educated about what it is to be a man in a world that hates you than any one holding a university degree. Yeah, the world hates you, bro.”

Who knows how I’d inform the curious that they were considering delving into a pit of lies woven by evil and intelligent men for the past ten generations to ensnare their soul in a cocoon of doubt and hatred on another day in the life of this bumbling brain.