In a recent piece I answered an email from a reader concerning his linking of the article My Mechanical Shadow to the eminent Anonymous Conservative, asking if that ether thinker had contacted me. I responded that he had not and I was not surprised. I mean, what could a conservative want to do with an anti-American nutjob like me who clearly resides in wingnut territory?

Today, as I was hitting a rope snake with a crowbar for exercise in the garage in which I live, I received this text from that reader:

“Looks like I opened up a can of worms. Go to A/C’s site. Big Discussion about trying to contact you and someone sending him my follow up message from News for Yuse. Some sort of computerized hijinks that I don’t fully understand. But he evidently did try to contact you about the mechanical shadow. I’m going to write him and try to set his mind at ease about me being some kind of agent provocateur. It’s very odd that the communication between you two was messed with—especially considering how your book sales have been tampered with by our electronic overlords.”

-Shep

Wait a minute, it’s here somewhere…

Yes, the aluminum foil hat—it is now safe to start thinking, well, as soon as I get it creased just so…

Ahhh, there you go. I missed you, Baby.

I currently I get 1 hour online per week on Sunday and Tuesday. I have no time to look at websites or videos.

-I upload articles.

-I answer comments.

I then open up my email. This past Tuesday when I answered your email in that article there were 41 new emails since Sunday. Four of them appeared to be notifications that were routed through the back end of the site, mostly purchase and donation notifications, but every once and a while a coaching request. After a glance I:

-send completed work and information requests to my editor.

-I thank book buyers and supporters.

-I download attachments from my editor and coauthors and proofreaders.

-I attempt to read emails and answer, copying long emails to my computer for address off line.

-In retrospect there were two emails I dismissed. One was from Mary, a hooker from Baltimore whose boyfriend was not back from Minsk yet and wanted to shack up with me for this week. I declined to open her photo link and deleted the email.

Of the four emails that came through the back end of the site, 1 was a donation, 2 were book purchases, launching Your Trojan Whorse into the #3 spot for ebook sales and 1 was routed through the backend of the site like the book orders but from a long link that looked at a glance like a commercial solicitation which I sometimes get on old articles, like some MMA supplier sending me a link to his newest bag gloves. The message confused me as it indicated that I had answered a question and suggested I click on a link and I was frankly afraid to click on any link that came from a site and not an email address.

Maybe I should have read the link instead of just trash-canning the email that came from no email address. But my techtard fear that my computer was going to get mind-fucked by the ether version of the Cordoba Virus was greater than my fear that Mary’s Russian gangster boyfriend would be scraping my face off his boot treads after returning her to his pimp bed if I gave her the date of my return to Harm City.

Anonymous Conservative, my apologies.

If you would like to communicate with me feel free to email me at jameslafond dot-com at gmail dot-com from an email address. Or you can call me on my flip phone at 443-686-0598. Please keep in mind that my Obama phone does not have internet and I can’t view multimedia messages on it, just call and text.

Thank you.

James