Mister LaFond, I think it would be entertaining and illuminating to hear what an anarchistic barbarism advocate would do if he found himself in the White House. So, what would be, say, your first ten executive orders?

-Brandon

I did cover this a few years back in the book If I Were King.

So, let us just say that the Crackpot Presidency would be all about principle: the non-aggression principle and separation of church and state.

-1. Half of U.S. ICBMs will be de-nuked and refitted with conventional “Social Justice” Peaceheads. American children, 5 to 12 years old, may enter a free lottery to win the honor of naming their very own ICBM. Social Justice Missile naming ceremonies will be televised.

-2. All overseas military bases will be closed and the service people brought home, leaving behind whatever equipment cannot be transported to the U.S. by the end of the month of February.

-3. All foreign aid other than food will be cancelled.

-4. The Airforce will be subordinated to the Space Command and put in charge of airport security.

-5. U.S. Marines will be tasked with guarding embassies, U.S. territories outside the Lower 48 and the Gulf Coast, oh yes, and with securing Antarctica as the 51st State…rights of Penguins to be respected.

-6. The U.S. Army will be reorganized into three army groups, one to militarize the Canadian border, one to militarize the Mexican border—all illegal crossings to be characterized as attacks and one assigned to upgrading U.S. infrastructure.

-7. The Navy will be tasked with protecting U.S shores and securing Antarctica.

8. All federal prisons will be immediately decommissioned by April 1. Non-violent criminals will be pardoned. Violent criminals will be escorted to the Canadian border, where the federal corrections officers taking them will now be stationed to facilitate exiling of federal criminals. Murderers will be escorted to the Mexican border in the same way. I will promise to pardon or exile any person convicted in federal court during my term. Exiles who return to the U.S. will be parachuted into North Korea or any African nation of their choice.

-9. Public schools and publicly funded universities, being actual theological institutions, will receive no federal grants as this stands in violation of separation of church and state. The Department of Education will be abolished as part of this measure.

-10. The Department of Homeland Security and TSA will be abolished, as the military will be protecting the borders and coasts and airports.

Attacks on U.S. embassies or citizens by foreign governments, or oil embargoes or other resource extortion by those who should know better, will be dealt with by a launch of a Social Justice Missile.

I promise to make the Moon the 52nd State as soon as Antarctica is secured and we get boots on the moon. I don’t give a shit what the faɡɡots in the house or senate do or say.

I suppose I’d be killed on my way to Fort Knox round about the Ides of March.