Cuck Cutlery Part II

J W

10:10 AM (2 hours ago)

to me

James, a follow up bit of humor after reading your Cuck Buck article from a few years back: Cuck Buck

A friend and I were recently talking about the growing trend of alleged ultra high end knives being sold on the internet. $200? Try more like $500, sometimes a thousand or way beyond!

The target demographic is very specific: American men with hoarding issues that always end up with huge collections. It's not like stamp collecting though, they all seem to have internalized that a $200+ knife gives them a combat advantage and they spend years discussing this. You'll never see them talk about sparring with $5 rubber trainers or rolled up magazines though.

I'm not going to link or promote these companies, but this community will give you an idea

What gives? Most of these knives are hideous and won't even be cool loot to be picked off their inert forms after they're steamrolled by the horde!

McDojo martial artists largely ended up humbled by MMA. Even the fat gun guys have had their own callouts in recent years. Will knife nerds ever get their turn? I don't see how, there is a certain special brand of 'honor culture' upheld by the knife aficionados but it's entirely coopted by consumerism and the generalized sloth of modernity. At least all the tradesmen with a well used cheap 3" folder clipped to their pocket are still aware of basic tool use.

It's only going to get weirder. I will report back when hoarding $5000 florescent purple swords made from the rarest chinesium alloys becomes the norm.

- JW

Had to use chinesium in the title!

JW, I went to the reditt link and scrolled down until I had counted ten hands.

One hand had what might be dried skin from work.

The only hand with callouses was that of a guy who was not yet 30 who was showing a knife his daddy had given him. the softness of the hands was shocking.

As a general rule, American men are more about the tool than the job.

Now, I have been roundly criticized by some real mountain men for using axes instead of chainsaws, as an ax is a waste of time and therefor money and I am terrified of chainsaws. They let me go on my retarded way once they find out I'm engaging in exercise. But back here in the east, men rail at me for using any tool but the best. If I'm using an axe, he has a better ax, a saw, he has a better saw. When cutting a tree down at Rick's in Pittsburgh, the neighbor would not rest until I at least gave his saw a try—his saw sucked. I returned it after wasting some time with it, pretended that it was fine, and thanked him, being polite. I then found out what it was all about, when I heard his wife and his friend's wife talking about how strong I was and how much it bothered their husbands and how they wish I'd come work in their yard. These fat bitches need dick and their men don't have it to give so they walk over to me and hand me their bigger mechanical dick for fucking trees...

I've run into this in dojos where kenjitsu masters will not spar with blunts because it is not the real weapon—so they get no training. Some guys won't lace up gloves because gloves are phony, when in reality they hurt worse than bare fists.

I recall one day at Megan's while she was watching two ten-year-olds. They wanted to sword fight so we did, with wiffle ball bats. Dad came home in his giant pick up truck and the kids were so excited to show off their skill. I knew better. But Megan offered my coaching services as I was working at 2 local schools—and boomer man pulls aside his jacket and lifts his beer gut to show his pistol and says some macho stuff and dismisses fighting with hand weapons as useless...

I understand that tools separate us from the animals and are the reason for our success. But every time I see a big scary knife and particularly comments that the knives are better than guns—like the faɡɡot talking about how hard it is to open a bag of chips with a 9 mm—I see a shower not a grower. Blade versus gun didn't work out too well for the Zulus. Hell, I have my knife mostly to retain the option of suicide by cop. In my survey, that resulted in the Logic of Steel, a book that was hated by knife aficanados, swords turned out to be like a third as deadly as the #2 pencil. Big tactical knives were hardly ever used for anything other than show. The funny thing is, I was in the survey for 2 pencil stabbing and one sword cleaving. Yeah, if we are dueling and your knife is twice as long as mine, I better be twice as good or I'm getting sliced to ribbons. But the real ruthless, and also the legally defensible carry knives, are likely to be cheap.

There is also the problem that many “tactical” features of dedicated defensive knives will get you in legal trouble. If it is just for opening chips, why do you need to open it with one hand quickly?

So here are my suggested defensive knives:

-Bedroom, dedicated fighting knife

-Living room, sword over the mantel

-Kitchen, butcher knife, basis for the Bowie knife

-Office, letter opener

-Front door, fire poker—it will cut

-Garage, fucking screwdriver

-Yard, edging brick—it will cut!

-Car, Cork screw, “Mom likes wine and can't remember where her corkscrew is...”

-On your person something that is already in your hand...anything

-In your pocket, something you can get out of your pocket or off your belt while you are fending them off with your left hand

I once took a butter knife from a place I was eating and slipped it into my back pocket expecting trouble outside—it will go in...

As for knife nerds, they have value keeping knife smiths in work. The knife is literally the last thing that separates us from the animals and also from the domesticated apes of modernity. We should all carry one. But why must we make everything so gay!