[James comments are in brackets.]

I left boxing because I left town to live with my grandparents after high school to go to community college. I went to the local mma school named after a famous mma fighter who never came to the gym to teach while I trained there for over a year.

[Money guy without a combat arts conscience. MMA leaves itself open to this sham more than boxing does.]

I continued bjj but mostly rolled with this one guy. We hardly did the classes but chose to roll by ourselves. He was a fucking machine. Looked like an office nerd but pound per pound the strongest guy in the gym. In his forties. He had Asperger’s. He had more of a catch wrestling sambo style. Everyone was scared to roll with him because only the black belts could beat him.

I was scared because he hardly ever gave anyone time to tap. He actually hurt someone’s ACL. Very nice guy but the austism I think made him not give people time to tap. He told me he didn’t really memorize moves but basic principles. Like basically isolate 2 joints and then move a body part in such a way that its not meant to move.

At this mma gym I went to 2 bjj tournaments and lost. I would get dominate position but could not tap the guy, gas out and then they would tap me.

[Okay, in the martial arts world, no matter the art, instructors are pressured economically, by their associations and peers to enter people in tournaments before they should be competing due to developmental issues. Boxing gyms will also fall into this trap sometimes, like when Mack Lewis, legendary boxing godfather of Baltimore wanted Ron to enter a fighter in a card being put on at Mister Mack's gym! I was Ron's boxing coach and I only had three boxers, two kids and a man, who one of the 14-year old kids was schooling in sparring. Ron appealed to the man directly to fight and overrode my objections and I had to put Chief from Turner Station into the ring with a guy who outweighed him by 24 pounds at that guy's gym! The point is, every martial arts school is under the kind of pressure from its higher ups in the association it belongs to that Ron,a karate guy who had just started a gym, and was indebted to Mister Mack for welcoming him into the South Atlantic Association, was.]

Much of my boxing and wrestling skills were getting rusty. I went to a pankration tournament. Mma rules except no strikes to the head. I fought a kickboxer guy. Did good the first 2 minutes. I felt off because I couldn’t use my boxing to hit his head. But his kicks were good against my body. I could get the takedowns but not finish with a submission nor ground and pound. He covered up his body well. I gassed out and then he won on points. I felt horrible.

[You didn't have a coach to talk to you about this being a good showing? This level of MMA, it is stressed at every fighter meeting I have attended, is supposed to be “developmental.” A loss is not supposed to be a set back but a learning experience.]

I said ok. I am finally going to get serious about sparring and start doing mma full contact sparring at the gym and not this bjj stuff. I found this one kid my size and height. Aggressive striker but no real wrestling skills. I asked his personal coach if we could spar.

[The way this MMA gym seemed to be organized with personal coaches under an absentee head coach...this is a money making scheme that is only going to get good outcomes for fighters who are naturally gifted in a big way. This seemed better than your other situations, but is still retarded from a developmental perspective.]

He said yes. First day we went 2-3 rounds. I would pin him against the caged or get him on the ground but his coach would always command us to break up. This obviously benefited his student because I has less time for ground and pound. Second sparring session, in a ground scramble I dislocate my elbow.

[These two stupid sparring sessions were effectively unsupervised. The guy who owns this gym is a criminal in my mind.]

The elbow injury plus grandparents divorcing. Grandma deciding to go become a slut. I started smoking and drinking. Got out of shape. Tried going back to bjj got my asked kicked. Around 21 I became a chain smoking alcoholic. I eventually went to ucsb.

[Getting you ass kicked in a training environment speaks to yet another retarded school for making money off of stillborn dreams.]

At ucsb I went to a judo school. The judo school taught throwing techniques. But we never actually did any standing sparring sessions. We would only do bjj sparring. It made no sense. Teach standing techniques and very little bjj techniques, but do 80% of your sparring bjj style.

[Kid, you are so unlucky, that you managed to find a retarded judo school. I mean, judo is the most responsible developmental art in America, and you managed to find an asshole! Congrats—other than falling into the clutches of some FMA guru or Ninja master you have manged to have, I think, including your asshole karody guy step father, every kind of bad martial arts experience!]

The only idea for why maybe they did it this way was the coach was old and had bad knees and maybe he enjoyed ground sparring more because it was easier on his body. He was a legit judo guy and was a bad ass with throws and sweeps. But like I said I didn’t like how he did the sparring sessions.

[This is another case of a bad program. The definition of a bad program for training in combat, is that it is shackled to the head coach's physical ability's, whether good or bad.]

I grew a really big beard at ucsb. I also lived in my minivan. Cops starting harassing me because of how I looked. But for once in my life other men left me alone. I was a super loaner. And looked basically homeless.

[Turds of humanity leaving you alone and blue uniformed turds of humanity picking on you, these go together like a burger and fries, or beards and minivans.]

I would walk the party town of IV at ucsb and the jocks left me alone. Even though I was in less fighting shape than ever before, except maybe my current state. Also a lot of women obviously didn’t like my beard long hair look. I looked like general hood in the confederate army. We actually are related on my maternal side. But a few women really digged it, and some of these women actually were beautiful.

[Congrats on a good outcome with the hippy chicks.]

Well. I had a lot of back pain from carrying a heavy back pack full of books, digestive problems, obviously psychological problems, smoking and drinking. One day I started to just say fuck it I am going to lift heavy weights. I started power snatch and press up Olympic lift, about 200 pounds. I went from out of shape to lifting 200 pounds and like a fucking idiot fucked up my back.

[That was all you, lesson learned. I did the same thing as a 15-rear old and have never recovered even half of my strength.]

I got thoracic outlet syndrome which went undiagnosed. This turned into fibromyalgia. I could barely pick up a coffee cup without extreme pain. I could not drive a car, use the computer, reading a book gave me extreme eye pain, I could not write with a pen. I basically was 24 and crippled.

[This sounds like a good ground floor for dealing with future adversity.]

I was a substitute teacher ( AKA babysitter, prison guard, state sponsored child abuser) (At that time I found John Taylor Gato. Changed my life.

[I liked his book on how The System was dumbing down students in American schools.]

At about 27 I went to physical rehab in India (a lot cheaper there than the USA) and got somewhat functional.

[I hope you continue your own aggressive rehab program. This saved my body after a crippling injury at age 31 and I'm hauling a 70-pound ruck sack at 58.]

Then I went to teach English in china. I am a dancing white monkey. But at least for once in my life I am finally experiencing that damn white privilege everyone has been telling me I have. Lol The Chinese are so openly racist against blacks it cracks me up. I am currently in china at the moment trying to slowly lift barbells and get back into shape.

[I would focus mostly on dumbbells of the light kind, especially since you have a tendency to over train.]

I went to a kickboxing lesson today for the first time in years. I am super out of shape. I have a lot more I could write but I think I will stop here. Thanks for reading my rant.

Sincerely,

-Jonah

PS: I would like to change my pen name to Michael Collins. The IRA leader. He is my childhood hero. Take care James!

[Michael, thank you for being patient with the long delayed address of your rant/audiobiography. I think that it is not strange that you and I had some very similar experiences being bullied early in life, being injured trying to become human weapons, and then being bullied again by the PIGs and alienated from WHITES for being dangerous loners. I know other young men, currently, two I talked to on the phone in February, one being Richard Barrett, about their training scam situations. As men of your generation seek to fight back against the great WHITE lie that we are so privileged that learning how to defend ourselves is regarded as unfare to our heaven sent hunters, I wish you good outcomes.