The ‘Can’t Crack an Egg’ Award of 2014 goes out to an example of one of the worst practitioners of ground-and-pound-while-bald-wannabe-MMA-California-cop-Fu in all of fistic history. An Officer of Cloven Hoof scored 10-15 rights hands on one crazy chick and could not even get her cuffed. The lady was walking on a freeway, which is against the law everywhere in the U.S. unless an alien invasion is in progress. So, she certainly deserved to be taken down and out. But dude, you can’t whoop one girl's ass? And it's not like it was Rhonda I'm-afraid-to-misspell-her-last-name was your opponent. Let the hair grow or go down to Hunting Beach and talk to Tito about putting some guns in your ground game. This happened on Freeway 10 near La Brea Avenue. Please be compassionate and leave a pink boxing glove there in commemoration of Officer Limp Fist’s manhood.

On the upside, Chicago kill shots are improving over last summer, with their boyz racking up 11 kills in 60 shootings. Another year of improvement like this and we should be able to stage a championship shoot out between the Baltimore Boyz and the Chicago Boyz. Perhaps we could use Toledo Ohio as a battleground?

You tree huggers will be glad to hear that we have been in a 10 year cooling cycle, with U.S. temps down 0.7 degrees. I am personally hoping for another ice age so that my Neanderthal genome can once again count for something other than sunburn. But with all of those earth mother rapists burning fossil fuels there might be a postponement of my knuckle-dragging landbridge reunion.

Heroin futures are up in the Panty Waist State my friends. Maryland is officially the most heroin addicted state of the Union with 10% of Marylanders doing the dope fiend lean! There is no way this could have anything to do with our five star welfare benefits package.

The rat Mecca of the U.S. is New York.

Second in rat population is Boston.

Third is Baltimore, and we aren’t even half as big as one of Gotham’s five boroughs. That makes Harm City the per-capita rat and smack capital of the United States of America.

I am headed over to the Harm City archive right now to update Rat Ratification and place it at the head of the main page. Look for it below this piece.