“I have SICKNESS OF THE HEART and OUR CAPTAIN on the way here.  Looking forward to reading those two.  I also have THE MYSTERY MAN OF EUROPE: BASIL ZAHAROFF coming soon.  You might wanna give that one a read.  The copyright is like 1932 or something, public domain.  There's only a couple copies available on amazon and they're $32 each. I'm looking forward to that one too.  

“I looked at the list of recommendations for me and realized I already have most of them.  Anyway, I soon hope to have the world's foremost collection of LaFondery.  My house just might be a historic landmark someday, angry young men somberly touring the yurt and pouring shots of rum in the backyard.  Hemingway ain't got nothing on you jack.

“Goddamn.  My Girl picked a fight with a biker last night in front of the 24 hour porn store on Foster at 4am.  She was drunk as fuck and lucky for me the biker was not immune to reason when I injected myself into the situation and did some real fast talking.  All's well that ends well or so the story goes.  The whole time I was thinking that his motorcycle helmet would give him a pretty unfair advantage, should my words of diplomacy fall upon deaf ears.  Poor guy was just trying score a pocket pussy.…

We're all really looking forward to seeing you again.  

Your friend always, 

T-Rex

…

I am flattered that you would entertain other knuckleheads at my wake and am honored that you are collecting the evidence for my show trial in Portland, which would be a good venue for such an August lynching. In the meantime, I have fought over 400 machete duels and stick fights while wearing a helmet. Even though a helmet offers more protection than a fencing mask, we eventually switched to using masks instead to limit the number of concussions and the neck strain caused by helmets. Of course, helmets do limit holes in the head more often than masks…

But the head is locked into the helmet like the brain is locked into the skull making the shock to helmets have the same effect on the brain as an impact on the skull.

Now, if you are fighting with bricks and bats, the helmet imparts a great advantage. But, as a man who has been finished by stronger men and better grapplers who used my helmet against me, and have even used the helmets of my larger sparring partners against them, here are the advantages and disadvantages of the helmet in armed combat first:

Advantages

-Reduced damage to skull and brain from direct skull impacts

-Protection of the orbital bones around the eye from the most common strokes

-Causes weapon blows to glance further out than the shoulder and neck, compared to a mask that will let the glancing downward head blow descend more deeply into the shoulder

-Punching the helmet will hurt the puncher as much as you with gloves and more without

Disadvantages

[These all also apply to unarmed combat]

-Reduced peripheral vision, making it easier to miss incoming angular strokes

-The stability of the helmet on the head makes it available as a leverage point used by the foe in binds and clinches [more on this under unarmed]

Unarmed Concerns

Advantages

-Breaking the foe’s punching hand,

-Head butting is amplified

Disadvantages

-Lateral kicks to the head amplify KOs by increased leverage on the neck

-Slaps to the helmet impart more impact to the neck than punches to the head delivered at the same velocity,

-Simply head holds like head cranks and half nelsons give the foe the ability to break your neck or submit you, similar to a steer’s horns giving the cowboy the ability to submit a much stronger animal with neck pressure amplified by the hold

Fighting the Helmeted

-Slap the head

-Use lateral strokes that he wont’s see

-When slapping the head down with one hand, grab the back of the helmet with the other and run his head into a wall and see how good the helmet is

-Grabbing tow points on the helmet edge will give you total neck control

-A choke is unnecessary as submission can be achieved with neck pressure

-An open hand pressed against the side of his helmet allows you to rotate his eyes away from you with simple pushing hand, blinding him,

-If you get behind him, you can place your knee in his upper back and hook your fingers over his head to the helmet rim above the eyes and do the lion kill-only recommended for B-Movie stunts,

-If you can rip the helmet off you can beat his accomplices up with it, holding it by the strap and socking it onto their faces

-If his head is low, from you slapping it down, it is almost safe for you to knee him in the helmet, using your bone and muscle above the knee and not the cap

-A combination of lateral and downward slapping with hooking the helmet rim with your fingers is the recommended method for dealing with the helmeted Yeti.

Trucker Note

If you are a truck driver and helmeted pigs are stealing your gasoline, a bottle of 151 with a soaked rag in the end, lit by your meth pipe and thrown upon the pigs, should hopefully result in their plastic face shields melting into the snouts and making pork rinds.