“The instruments that served his will were weak and flawed, he knew…”

-6, The Chamber of Sphinxes, page 107

…

The First Time I Met My Dean

I got in trouble for heckling a black history presentation in the school auditorium. It was English Class. My buddy Robby was in the same class. They marched us to the auditorium. It was part of the class to attend this production. It was about twenty-four kids and I would say it was almost half black. Robby was my friend from Taekwondo. We were sitting in there towards the back of the auditorium, as ne’er-do-wells do. The presentation was got to the part where the black race will over come their white oppressors and make them feel like slaves. These were kids, other students, from the Black Student Union.

We were looking at each other and Robby starts with a cough and yelling, “Bullshit” under his breath. So I joined him. That turned into, “Fuck you, niցցers!” My English teacher was the same black teacher who I did the Robert E. Howard report for. All I remember was the look of horror on her face. I had never been in trouble, so I had never met my dean up until that point, and when I saw it was a black guy I was like, “Oh, fuck.”

I was thirteen, a freshman. Because of my birthday I was on the young side, sixteen at the beginning of my senior year. This was the fall of the freshman year.

[Writer’s note: and Dan said with some pride that he had never been in trouble up to this point? Not viable extra credit. He does admit to having seen the dean a lot in junior high.]

Robby had the same dean, because it was alphabetical. There were maybe five deans in the school. We had a Principal, Vice Principal and then the deans did the other bullshit. Robby and I went in together. I had a lot of compartments for friends. I knew Robby from Taekwondo when we were in sixth grade. We said that we shouldn’t be forced to listen to that because it wasn’t just a history presentation, that they started about how they were going to get revenge on whitey. He wanted to punish us for what we were saying but we denied it. [laughter] We didn’t get in trouble and it became optional in the following year. If you were in your English class and they had that same black history presentation, it was optional to attend or stay in your English class—which I did.

The Karate Demonstration

That was senior year. Everytime there was an assembly it would be towards the end of the day, the last period. And my friends and I would always go out the nearest exit, walk around the school, meet in the parking lot, and leave. They had security posted up around the doors. I was the only one who didn’t fucking escape!

[laughter]

So I was one of the last people into the gymnasium, where the assembly was. I had to sit right up front on the lower bleacher. My dean was in a karate gi, nd giving a presentation. He represented the local YMCA and Park District Karate program. He pointed at me and said, “Come on up and help me.” He announced that he was going to demonstrate by proper breathing, how when you got punched it didn’t hurt, that when you kiaid and tensed up you wouldn’t get hurt. He showed me how to do your classic revere punch, which I had done thousands of times from sixth grade to my senior year of high school.

I was five-ten and close to two-hundred pounds.

He was at least in his forties. He was probably around six-foot tall and maybe around two-hundred pounds.

He showed me where to punch him, right in the solar plexus. I got in my stance, like a bo stance, and I let rip the hardest fucking reverse punch I could muster. He dropped straight down, right to the floor. I don’t remember laughter or anything.

I did not help him up.

I just stood over him, looking at him.

So he got up and grabbed the microphone and asked me my height and weight and how long I had been doing karate.

I said I was in Taekwondo since I was in sixth grade.

He says something like I punched like a much larger man and it was from my training and see what that can do for you, you become dangerous or something to that effect.

The people I hung out with were not there. So I didn’t get the accolades or praise from dropping the dean or anything lie that. He put his hand on my shoulder while he was talking and I just went and sat down.

Ditching Class

I had all the credits I needed to graduate when I was a junior. But I needed my parents signature to graduate early because I wasn’t eighteen. I liked my electrical class in the morning and I usually went to that. A lot of times I would just leave. I remember I got called into the dean’s office and I told him I had all my credits to graduate and the way I saw it I would get my diploma wether I got in trouble for ditching class or not.

He told me that he was going to give me an after school detention. I said I wouldn’t go to it, and wait until it became a suspension, and it would be the same result.

I ditched six days in a row. I think he just told me to finish out the year, didn’t get in trouble for it.

Dwayne and I did not go to our graduation ceremony. It was on a Friday night. I went to work at Brown’s Chicken and my mom and dad went to graduation because they thought I wasn’t serious when I said I wasn’t going to graduation. Our reasoning was there are people who can’t read getting diplomas. That diploma wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on. We weren’t about to go there and pretend it meant something to us. I was working the very next morning at Brown’s Chicken again and Dwayne came and brought me my diploma. He went to the school to get his and they just gave him mine to give to me. It may sound strange to some people, but that’s what happened.