Some of our readers might have guessed that T. Spoone Slickens, Inquire, is a fictional construct of mine. If so, congratulations. You should be managing the New York Times. I am poised to write the last two Slickens articles, and, since it has been a while, am rereading and editing the old posts. In so doing, I also went looking for this year-old piece about meeting a random man in a book store who was, in fact, the inspiration for T. Spoone Slickens.
I give you, Mister Bob. Enjoy.
Yesterday Dom and I were at the bookstore looking for poetry, when an older black man in his 70s, who remains very muscular, began talking to us about how pathetic the young men in this country are. His name is Bob, he played football for an Ivy League school, lives in Great Neck Long Island with ‘the rich Jews’ and enjoys not cohabitating with the numerous knuckleheads that look like him in the various available urban centers up and down the East Coast. He was in town checking on his grandchildren, who he had enrolled in a local university.
The subject that initiated the conversation was his opinion on NFL player Ray Rice knocking out his woman in an elevator, and the unseemly social clout female sensibilities have in these current United States. Bob regaled Dom and I for well over an hour. I did not wish to be rude and produce a pen. The following passages are what I can remember of Bob’s stream of consciousness; from which I am omitting, Teddy Roosevelt, Barack Obama, Alexander Hamilton, FDR, JFK, the massacre at Wounded Knee, the NFL, Ray Rice, the Bill of Rights, Arnold Schwarzenegger, steroid use and kidney failure among 1960s strength athletes, impregnating drug-addicted females and producing mutant children, the sissy nature of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, George Washington and the Whiskey Rebellion, Toussant and the French Revolution in San Domingo, the KKK and recent white supremacy initiatives in Maryland, bikers, the Latin Kings...
Segregation
“I live in Great Neck Long Island. Those rich Jews don’t normally let someone that looks like me in. However, they check education and criminality first. Hell, John Gotti—who I went to school with—tried to buy a house up there for his son, and they told his behind to get on down the road. The good thing about living with Jews is they pay high school taxes, but send their children to a Jewish school. So my children get the best education, in a six-person classroom with a private PC for each child.
“Then one day, these trifling black folk from down the way want to bus their children into our school. I go to the meeting and this woman is calling me an ‘uncle tom’ and telling me I’m a 'sellout.' I told her, ‘I worked for what I have. Where is your husband—if you even have one? It is not color, it is about quality, and you have none, so we will build your no good hoodlum children their school and they can stay right there with you where they belong, because we don’t want you.’
“So, we took a collection, built them a school and kept their no good children out.
Children
“The problem with children, plain and simple, is their parents. Mamma is a trifling person nineteen out of twenty times. Even among my nieces, all eighteen of them, there is but two that have husbands, and those husbands have no balls, just walk around behind their boss wife, shoulders hunched forward, eyes down, like they are a Muslim sheik’s wife! The women in my family all have master’s degrees, and they are still just trifling gossipy women who lack a real man to hold onto. This lack of masculine affection causes them to poison the minds of their boys and turn them into sissies that would not even be worth running over on the gridiron!
“You see it right there, across the street, look at that sorry white boy following his wife like he is a beaten dog. And the black boys are no better, not a testicle between their skinny legs. The only society in the U.S. here where a man is a man is among the Latinos. My wife is a Latina and she does not, and never has, made a decision for our son. She says, ‘you go ask poppy.’”
Lesbians
“The problem with a lesbian is, they come in but two varieties: the one that wants me, and the one that wants to be like me. Can you blame them?
[Flexes biceps and expands chest.]
“Anytime I walk into a room with these pretend men and their unfulfilled women they quake in fear and walk off. I have no mercy on these homely dykes who are just not good looking enough to land a decent man, because of the brutality. You know Rosie O’Donnell claims to be a dyke but the fact is she likes a man if she can get him. She went to school with my son. She stalked him, and stalked his friend, was so hungry for that penis that she could not control her unappealing self.
“It so happens that my wife works in the medical field, dealing with the ramifications of domestic violence. All you ever hear about is some drunken redneck backhanding his fat wife. But among lesbians the domestic violence is off the charts and out of all control, with all racial groups. Those dykes—not understanding what it is to be a real man—are trying so desperately to be one, with predictably bad results.”
[A dyke joke I cannot recall follows as a young mother and her child walk by tentatively towards the children’s book section.]
Ethnicity
“I have white in my line and my wife passes for white, being a high bred Spanish person. You can see the Scottish chest on me right here as sure as I have the African thighs for running over defensive backs underneath. The arms are still keeping up just fine. I held all the power lifting records in my weight class back in the day.
“Now, my son, since his mother is damn near white, has that ethnic look, which has become unfortunate since he has let his beard grow and now looks like a goddamned Arab!
[Pulls up picture of son on smart phone]
“Would you look at that with his pretty little white wife, and he looks like a goddamned Arab that might as well be wearing whatever those Islamics wear on their head! I said , ‘Boy, you need to shave that off before the FBI swoops down on your behind and carries you off!’”
Immigration
“Now Flushing and Queens [New York City] has everything! You have Africans, Mexicans, people that look like me, goddamned Haitians, Dominicans, and, oh yes, Chinese, Chinese crawling all over the place—at least we don’t have the Russians who are terrorizing the Jews out the way in [names New York City subdivision] not to mention your Middle Easterners. And my boy has to grow a goddamned beard!’
[looks at my beard]
“No offense intended. You have been around, have earned your whiskers.
“The news is just a government mouthpiece, a brainwashing device, and the surest proof is that the immigration issue is considered to be an exclusively Central American and Mexican issue. What you have in New York is a complete monopoly of certain businesses by certain immigrant groups from Europe, China, Africa and the West Indies who are in fact people who came to this country on student visas and then disappeared and got into the underground economy. Those Dominicans have their own fleet of cabs for instance.
“At least with the Mexicans you have families with fathers and fathers who have backbone! Speaking of which, your Rastafarians are a pretty stable, territorial bunch. You—looking like you do—can go live in their neighborhood and they will even protect you. But, if you are some redneck truck driver like those fools who used to overnight, get liquored up, and walk into these Dominican Haitian and Rastafarian enclaves and talk that shit—well, then its butt-kicking time.
“All of these whining mamma boy liberals can’t have their multicultural paradise without men; real men who will patrol their neighborhood and enforce what is right. You can have your immigrants, your different races—even though it does burn me up to see a Russian or an African spending his food stamps that I paid for—so long as they have families that produce real men who will enforce social norms and tell those penis jealous dykes to get out of their way, because a real man is coming through!”
“You young fellows have a nice day, eat right, and don’t reproduce with no drug-addicted, mutant, baby-makers.”
Afterward
As we walked to the car and the frightened bookstore clerks and hipster neo-daddy-moms milled in ever larger circles about Bob as he stalked among the magazines like Jim Brown on the sidelines waiting to crush some more defensive backs on the next offensive drive, Dominick burst out, “Wow! You know, that was all you. You have this aura of acceptance, like you radiate an energy that draws story tellers to you. Bob was great. It’s crazy that he believes in 90% of what the New Right white separatists preach, and he’s a black man from Baltimore who lives with those Great Neck Jews that would give me the evil eye anytime I made a delivery in their neighborhood.’
“That was awesome; a tour de force of defiance. I guess Mister Bob did not get the PC memo.”
I’m sorry folks that I could not reconstruct anymore of Mister Bob’s dialogue; the process of which was made much easier by the fact that he spoke nearly pristine American English without an accent. If Bob spoke a distinct dialect I would have only been able to recall a paragraph or two. As it is, I cannot confidently reconstruct 80% of his wide ranging stream of consciousness.
Thanks, Mister Bob.
James, looks like you were able to travel into the future and get a glimpse of what your young friend Oliver is likely to become in another 50 years or so: a fit, accomplished, self-actualizing, straight talking old curmudgeon who has no sympathy or tolerance for either criminal foolishness or a pernicious sense of entitlement. Of course this puts Bob completely at odds with others of his ethnic background who feel completely justified in their criminal activities and sense of entitlement. It takes courage to be a black conservative; they get shunned by their own community like an Amish apostate. That's probably why Bob lives in exile among the Hebrews.
“ ‘When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. 34 The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God."
Leviticus 19:33-34 (NIV)
Again with the prescient ancient quote my pale-faced brother.
You know, I did speak to Oliver the other day about his training and neglected to mention Mister Bob. I shall send him a link.
Thank you Sir.
You're welcome James.
By the way, Mister Bob is right, men just aren't what they used to be.
"Take a look at the men today. It seems that most of them have a woman’s heart. There are very few true men anymore. It is easy for a strong warrior to gain the advantage these days because so few have any courage at all. This loss of the warrior spirit is easily shown by the fact that men today cannot even behead a convicted criminal with his hands tied behind his back."
The Hagakure-the Book of the Samurai
Musashi and Homer made similar observations. It seems men devolve in cycles culture by culture.
Yeah, the more things change the more they stay the same. Regardless of the period, the older generation is frequently inclined to think that the younger generation has failed to measure up to its expectations and the younger generation is frequently inclined to believe that the older generation is mired in the past and just doesn’t “get it”. Of course in this historical cycle we ARE undergoing a revolutionary transformation of societal norms which makes the changes all the more chaotic and bewildering. But it’s all been in the planning for a long time. Militant feminism is just one aspect of the transformation.
“Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.”
Karl Marx
"When an opponent declares, "I will not come over to your side," I calmly say, "Your child belongs to us already... What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community."
- Adolph Hitler
"“The problem with children, plain and simple, is their parents. Mamma is a trifling person nineteen out of twenty times. Even among my nieces, all eighteen of them, there is but two that have husbands, and those husbands have no balls, just walk around behind their boss wife, shoulders hunched forward, eyes down, like they are a Muslim sheik’s wife! The women in my family all have master’s degrees, and they are still just trifling gossipy women who lack a real man to hold onto. This lack of masculine affection causes them to poison the minds of their boys and turn them into sissies that would not even be worth running over on the gridiron!
“You see it right there, across the street, look at that sorry white boy following his wife like he is a beaten dog. And the black boys are no better, not a testicle between their skinny legs. The only society in the U.S. here where a man is a man is among the Latinos. My wife is a Latina and she does not, and never has, made a decision for our son. She says, ‘you go ask poppy.’” "
We men made manhood illegal by voting for a Big Mother Government who will take care of us.
Being a man nowadays sucks because you're on your own island surrounded by males who talk like gays and women.