This past weekend I saw news about a knife rampage by a boy near Pittsburgh who stabbed many people before he was stopped, and, based on his appearance, fit the twerp mold to a T. To be clear, a ‘twerp’ is someone who has picked up a knife because they can’t take care of business with their empty hands. The twerp is a creature that you could definitely squash in an empty hand encounter.

I prefer improvised weapons versus the twerp if alone. If you are alone treat the twerp like a goon and take no chances. However, if you are coming to the aid of others less able than yourself—and particularly if they are cute and single—your safety comes second. You must not think like a cop here, but like a warrior.

First you must be able to clearly make the twerp or goon call. It is not all about size. Uriah Faber with a bowie knife does not type as a twerp. Once you have determined that this twerp is a twerp you need to run his ass over.

That’s right. Imagine you are a dump truck and he is a Smartcar, or better yet, that he is Tom Brady and you are 350 pounds of angry African American defensive back.

This advise is based on thousands of hours of full contact knife sparring with wooden blunts and hundreds of duels with steel blunts. Despite all the FMA bullshit there are only two answers when you lose your knife in a duel: run your ass off, or run his ass over. In a knife duel you have a split second in which you know your weapon is leaving your hand and he does not. That is when you crash the range barrier. During a rampage the knifer is moving from target to target as fast as possible and is conditioned to flight, submission and struggle on the point of his victims. Running at him is not expected.

1. Place your left palm under the left line of your jaw, with your thumb and forefinger extending toward the ear.

2. Tuck your chin.

3. Extend your right hand in a pronated [palm down] half-fist.

4. Hit him as fast as you can to cause sensory shock and get him off his feet.

5. Go to the floor with him and hold him with your legs and your teeth while you use your hands to control his knife hand and separate it from the other hand by getting his body and head between them.

6. If the knife has been ejected and he is scrambling for it I like to get both hands on his head at the base and do a push up, touching the floor with my toes only as all of my weight pins his neck and head against the floor.

If this guy is your size or larger, or if he seems to be particularly athletic or vicious with the knife, treat him as a goon.