Archie Jones was a worker, a worker for a cleaner world; the best janitor in The City—and on this day he finally became mechanized.

Archie lived in the mansion left him by his dear departed parents, which he shared with five eccentric roommates. Archie’s dear departed father was a retired city works employee, and Archie had inherited his yellow city works slicker, which he decided to wear on this, the maiden ride of Mobile Trash Assault Unit #2.

Archie had a mania for cleaning up the world, recognized early on by his dear departed mother, in honor of whom he now donned his special helmet, from the days before his age of majority when Mother had taken him to the place for special people.

For the past few years Archie had maintained the four block Trash Free Zone north and east of the Jones Mansion, on foot as a janitorial infantryman. Not a cigarette butt was safe in the Trash Free Zone above Kunckle Terrace!

Then, earlier this year, as winter broke into rain cleansing spring, he decided to establish a Trash Free Route clear across The City. Operating on buses had become impractical. So he had built Mobile Trash Assault Unit #1, based on the classic four-wheeled push frame trash bin. Unfortunately, on one gusty May evening he found himself caught behind Litter Bug lines at Bristol Station, the now unused bus stop where vagrants of all types congregate in their loathsome and odiferous multitudes. As Archie policed the area, even designing a makeshift litter break around the overflowing trash can from discarded interior pine baseboard moldings, he became the butt of Litter Bug jokes. The ill-washed horde of winos, crack-heads, heroin addicts and cigarette smokers began pelting him with bottles of all description, blowing smoke in his face, and even molesting his vehicle, Mobile Trash Assault Unit #1!

There he was, Archie Jones, E-6 Janitor, with a specialty in street cleaning, his back to his faithful cart, armed only with his telescopic aluminum alloy German litter claw, keeping the lurching fiends at bay. Then, a huge mug of a homeless Litter Bug shoved aside the lesser enemies of sanitation, seized the $72 litter claw, snapped it in his hands, and grabbed Archie like Grendal once seized men to rend among the halls of the Shieldings…

The memory of defeat and abject humiliation of a noble janitor by mere Litter Bugs, even of the giant variety, left Archie cold on this auspicious morning, so he drove the thoughts of defeat from his mind, and patted the neck of his new and noble janitorial steed!

The problem had been mobility. A crusading janitor must be mechanized! One day, Archie would attain airborne certification—as soon as he found a jump school that specialized in janitorial jumps—and would drop in anywhere on earth that cleaning needed done. But for now, he was wheel mobile.

Mobile Trash Assault Unit #2 was built on a red wagon chassis, which was covered with a protective tarp of white nylon over a frame of bent curtain rods. The effect was one of a tiny covered wagon venturing toward that little house on the frontier, for the frontiers of cleanliness were ever beleaguered in this debased age of squalor. He liked the pioneering metaphor.

The wagon arm was extended between two Belgian made restaurant quality trash bins mounted on stripped down scooter frames. The tool array was configured around the wire basket frame into which each of these dome-topped trap door trash bins were inserted pre-mission, which did resemble R2D2 enough to make Archie feel a little like Luke Skywalker. Coal shovel, snow shovel—just in case you know—push broom, whisk broom, litter claw, litter spike—let’s see them grab that tool!—clean wipes, a dust pan, a crow bar—just in case a dumpster diver needs rescued—completed the equipment inventory.

Forward of the trash bins and equipment array was Archie’s motor scooter, able to hit 30 MPH when unhitched from the janitorial train, painted a pearly white and chromed to the max, and outfitted with bug spray, Lysol, and Archie’s now necessary side arm, his dollar store Dennis the Menace replica sling shot and the two bags of marbles for ammo.

The wagon itself, the symbol of Archie’s pioneering spirit, was not merely decorative. It was painted with the white legend Janitor X . However, it also housed his fire extinguisher, trash bags and gas can.

Archie considered his plan Custer like, meaning to strike out boldly like the ill-fated cavalry commander of old to drive the thoughts of the defeat at Bristol Station from his mind.

Without his license, which special people where unfairly prohibited from acquiring, Archie must keep to the sidewalks and bike lanes. Mobile Trash Assault Unit #2 did have one innovation that should help Archie avoid a mishap. Henry the red neck, who lived over on Muncie Drive, where he threw his beer cans into the back yard, among other sins, had a civic duty to assist in the mission of Janitor X, even if he did not realize it. So, early this morning, before setting off on his litter free hajj, Archie—no, Janitor X, for he had moral latitude—had appropriated the 14 inch extended rear view mirrors from Henry’s Dodge Ram pickup, and had used bailing wire and duct tape to affix these to the handlebars of his cleanly steed, so that he might have a wide view of cleanly friend and Litter Bug foes alike, as he cruised into history.

So, despite the special people driving prohibition, Janitor X would make it, would make history, like superheroes do, by showing up in this time of litter, in the Vile Reign of the Litter Bugs, and sweeping this dirty world clean!