Mrs. Grundy was waking him up by rubbing his shoulders. He woke with the same cruddy taste in his mouth that he always seemed to have when he woke up from his nap or got out of school.
I wonder if Mrs. Grundy is feeding me some junky vitamins in my sleep.
Maybe, you know she doesn’t like you eating so many moon pies.
The nurse’s voice was nagging as usual, “Up with you little Brant.”
Anger flashed in his mind, but he smiled reflexively, remembering what Dad had said about being nice. “I’m not little anymore! I’m ten.”
Mrs. Grundy hugged him to her huge breast—gross!—and helped him up. “Up with you Master Bracken. You have a visitor now, and he’s brought a new toy!”
“Joey Ward? Tell him I’ll be right there. I want to get my socks on first.”
I don’t remember taking my socks off.
I don’t remember a lot of stuff.
[ITAIC]I must be sick. No wonder Mrs. Grundy is a nurse.
He was soon coming down the stairs into the living room. Mrs. Grundy could be heard in the kitchen, fixing dinner for Dad and Mom who should be home shortly. There was Joey, with Brant’s favorite toy dolls: GI Joe dressed up for safari; and GI Joe again dressed up for a lunar landing; and Tonto with his horse. For bad guys there were Doctor Parts the evil surgeon, Cowboy Jones, and Storm-trooper Fritz. The good guys had a jeep and the bad guys had a tank.
“Wow Joey, look at all this swell stuff. Can I be the good guys again?”
Joey Ward was smaller than Brant. But he had always seemed to be the same size, and looked well, ugly. Like a needle-faced adult Joey grinned his sly adult-like grin. “Sure pal, I’m the bad guys as usual, and have I got a mission for you!”
Joey crawled over to the fire place, where a towel was draped over something, and then uncovered it, “Organa!”
Brant looked on in horror, as a doll that looked just like Mom would look in a see-through dress, stood tied by shoestrings to a piece of wood before the licking flames. He had to protest. “Oh gross Joey! That’s a girl’s doll. I don’t play with girl’s dolls!”
Joey then gave one of his evil adult-like grins, and whispered to himself, like he always seemed to do when playing with Brant, and then reached over and grabbed Doctor Parts and placed him behind the girl doll and guided the creepy little hands up under the dress. “But Doctor Parts sure likes to play with girls!”
That looks like Mom. No way.
Brant then had Tonto fly through the air like Superman and slam into Doctor Parts, and their boys’ play began in earnest…
A few hours later, after Tonto and Doctor Parts had fallen in the fire, and GI Joe had taken Organa away on the captured Nazi tank, Joey and Brant sat drinking Tang. While Brant was trying to put on a fur coat for the lady doll to cover her up decently—since she looked so much like Mom—Joey apologized, “Look, I’m sorry about the girl doll pal. Your cruddy nurse made me. I think it’s stupid if you ask me.”
Joey Ward is a swell friend.
“That’s all right Joey. I’ll give her to Mom. Mom will like dressing her up.”
Joey seemed worried for a moment and whispered to himself again.
Then he heard it, Dad’s car pull up outside—or was it Dad’s car? It sounded, bigger more rumble-prone than usual. Then the front door opened as Mrs. Grundy came out of the kitchen with steaming cookies on a plate. Brant ran to the door with Mom’s new doll as it opened.
What, this is cruddy?
When the door swung open it was not Mom and Dad but Old Dad and some skinny woman that looked like a starved version of Mom, as if Doctor Parts had been keeping Organa locked away for weeks and not feeding her! And everything had shrunk except her breasts. She looked ridiculous!
His mouth opened to say something, but he could not, he could only cry.
Mom was so beautiful—of course Dad would never leave her—he left you instead!
They probably went and got a boy who is not sick, who has more than one friend and doesn’t need a big gross nurse!
Old Dad rubbed him on the head, bragged about his new car named after some African deer, and went right over to the plate of cookies. Old Dad had always been all about the cookies, and the gravy, and the cold beer, “Mrs. Grundy, I’m so glad you went back to Uncle Tom’s cookie batter!”
In the meantime Joey was whispering and this skinny Mom with Mrs. Grundy-size breasts was kissing Brant on the cheek. “Oh aren’t you so sweet. It’s nice to see you playing with dolls. I have some paper dolls. Perhaps we can play dress up together?”
Mrs. Grundy and Old Dad were having a big reunion, as if Mrs. Grundy had planned this entire parental disaster!
Skinny Mom was still hugging him and kissing his cheek, smothering him with her huge boobs—this is gross!
Then came Joey Ward to the rescue, rudely prying them apart—my, Joey is real strong for a kid—and even more rudely dismissing this new Mom, “Get lost Tits. Go discuss the long term effects of gravity on the mammary organs with Mrs. Grundy.”
That was nasty—he’ll get spanked for sure.
Old Dad would spank on occasion…
Joey was now patting him on the back as he held the lady doll—Mom!—in his arms. “Pal I’m real sorry about this. I’d be sore as I-don’t-know-what if my folks changed up like this. Can I do anything?”
“Yeah Joey, how about sleeping over?”
Joey winked at him. “Sure pal. Let me straighten it out with my folks.”
Joey then went over to the phone on the wall and dialed up his folks and began talking. Mom was hovering around like she didn’t know what to do and Old Dad was raiding the cookie jar in the kitchen and checking the cupboards to make sure his favorite steamed crab seasoning was there. Mrs. Grundy however, seemed to take exception to Joey using the phone without permission. When she came over to press the bar down Joey reached out with his hand and grabbed the large woman’s finger.
No way? Joey is sassing Mrs. Grundy!
Mrs. Grundy hissed, “Why I never met such an ignorant brash boy as you Mister Joey Maurice Ward!”
Joey snarled, “If you want the finger back go get Brant and me some jello—without the fruit giggling around in it!”
Joey’s command of the hitherto un-sassed nurse ended in a shrill almost adult voice. He then winked to Brant and hung up the phone.
Brant was thrilled, and hopped just a little. “Really, you can stay over; my first ever sleepover?”
Joey placed his hand on Brant’s back, made a funny look at the new skinny Mom, which seemed part wink, and then spoke to Brant in a soothing tone, almost like Dad had done, “Buddy, your dad is going to be busy with his work tonight. I can stay and play with you and…Mommy.”
Just then they heard a pop and a fizz from the kitchen, and Old Dad’s stupid voice, “Ain’t the beer cold.”
That’s it, what I never liked about Old Dad—he’s an American, and not like GI Joe even a little bit. Why GI Joe doesn’t even come with food rations. You have to make that up.
If I had a dad like GI Joe cruddy stuff like this would never happen. Dad would take me away on his jeep or Tonto’s horse—poor Tonto…
Joey was still talking to him as his ears rang with anger, “Your new Mom and me will hang out with you in your room, with all the GI Joes and stuff. I’m aloud to stay until bedtime. How about that? It’s not a complete sleepover, but my folks are pretty strict.”
He really is a much better friend than you thought, and he is acting more grownup than the grownups!
“Sure Joey, you’re the best pal a guy could have.”
They then hugged around the shoulders, like GI Joes would after an adventure. He could not help but notice that this new skinny Mom was looking at Joey not so very differently from how Mom had looked at Dad, like she admired him. She then looked into Brant’s eyes apologetically and extended her hand for the doll. “Why don’t you let me dress her up while you change your GI Joe into his spy tuxedo. We can stage a dance—a proper ball. ”
Her eyes seemed to say that she knew about Mom and Dad and was sorry. He couldn’t bring himself to hug her. But he handed over the Mom doll and grabbed his GI Joes and they all headed upstairs, leaving Old Rotten Dad in the kitchen with Bossy Mrs. Grundy.
I’m going to run away with Lassie after my very next school day!
Shouldn’t I tell Joey?
No, he’s a swell pal and you would not want to get him in trouble.
I’ll have to get some supplies and stash them in my book bag.
That should be no problem, with all of the baking that Mrs. Grundy is going to be doing now that Grubby Old Dad is back!
I miss you Dad!
I hope you are in Hawaii with Mom. All the other dads would be so jealous…
