A couple years ago I outlined a book titled Why You Don’t Get Laid, intended for a large portion of my readership: book geeks, gamers, and right wing thinkers of the pale variety; three segments of the American male population that run notoriously short of female companionship. Have you ever seen a white nationalist picnic? It’s a bunch of dudes, one of whom is married to a nice girl who comes along and another who is dating a big Viking bitch who everybody tries not to stare at.
But after looking at the reads, and seeing I have so many more knuckleheads, gym rats and he-men reading than the people that represent the other half of my schizophrenic mind, I decided that getting laid is not much of a problem in these Slut Teeming United States of Slutty Similac Butts. Indeed, as a boxing coach I know that the surest way to keep a man from excelling in combat and other masculine pursuits is for him to dip his think-stick into a young woman who wants to be more important to him than the sport that made him attractive to her in the first place.
“Oliver, did you run eight miles today?”
“No Sir, this girl came over last night.”
“What about your crunches?”
“Well, I was helping my sister move her furniture into her dorm and there were these girls there, and, I never considered what Filipino and Puerto Rican was going to look like when that baby turns eighteen—my abs are really sore James.”
“Oh, wow, it’s nice to see you Oliver, thanks for letting me now you wouldn’t be here yesterday so I could have stayed home and slept.”
“Sorry James. It’s just that my ex didn’t take our daughter this weekend, and she—my daughter—threw the cat into the ceiling fan and I was trying to get the thing down and it was clawing me…”
“Oliver, where the hell were you last week? Some giant meathead was in here trying to hit me when he should have been trying to hit your young ass!”
“Well, I went down to Ocean City to break up with that Latino girl…and her Thai friend who is this double-jointed pole-dancing lesbian was there and—James, what do you do when you lumbar kinks up, like really bad?”
“When I threw my back out the first thing I did was stop banging double-jointed lesbo freaks from Thailand while my ex-girlfriend sat on her face!”
Okay, you meatheads get the picture here. Pussy—especially exceptionally good pussy—has a definitive cycle of negative consequences.
Asserting Your Will Over Women Begins with Asserting it Over Your Manhood
Just about every guy would like a woman to love him, trust him, and appreciate him.
There are a lot of guys out there that will tell you how to have sex with a slut. But you’ve been doing that since you were 15.
There are plenty of head-shrinkers that will try to get you to think like a woman, to be more like her so you can get along.
Now other guys, like you animals, just need to soak off all of that excess testosterone that God cursed you with. Since we’ve already killed all of the Indians and we can only drop so many J-dams and daisy-cutters on the limited number of Jihadists willing to pop up out of their gofer hole with that 50 year old Soviet RPG, you are pretty much left with sex and sports, and sports leads to more sex, with more insane chicks…
Keep in mind, that whichever type of guy you are, if you cannot win the occasional argument with your dick, you will eventually get screwed in an extra-sexual fashion, most likely related to the distribution of your income or the disappearance of your savings.
If you are a money guy, you are as good as laid—and hold onto that wallet.
If you’re a meathead [see, I abbreviated that shit for you] you need to read the bible, specifically the story of Samson and Delilah.
Oh, that’s right Oliver, Bambi is always sitting on your lap—I got you. Okay for you meatheads, before getting too far into this book I will tell the tale of Samson and Delilah.
In the meantime practice saying ‘no means no, ho’ to the girls. Start with your sister. Then, do it with your mother and every time she smacks you in the face keep saying no until her hand gets sore. It’s a start.
Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven’t told me the secret of your great strength.” With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it. So he told her everything. “No razor has ever been used on my head,” he said, “because I have been a Nazirite dedicated to God from my mother’s womb. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.” When Delilah saw that he had told her everything, she sent word to the rulers of the Philistines, “Come back once more; he has told me everything.” So the rulers of the Philistines returned with the silver in their hands. After putting him to sleep on her lap, she called for someone to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him. Then she called, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you! ”He awoke from his sleep and thought, “I’ll go out as before and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him. Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza. Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding grain in the prison.” –Judges 16:15-21 (NIV)
“Attachment is the source of all suffering.”- Buddha
“He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.” -Buddha
“Do not think that it is impossible for anyone to please God while engaged in active military service.… Among them were also the soldiers who, when they had come to be baptized by John… and had inquired of him what they should do, received the answer, “Do violence to no man, neither accuse any falsely; and be content with your wages.” Luke 3:14 Certainly he did not prohibit them to serve as soldiers when he commanded them to be content with their pay for the service…Some, then, in praying for you, fight against your invisible enemies; you, in fighting for them, contend against the barbarians, their visible enemies…Let the manner of your life be adorned by chastity, sobriety, and moderation; for it is exceedingly disgraceful that lust should subdue him whom man finds invincible, and that wine should overpower him whom the sword assails in vain.” -Saint Augustine’s Epistle 189 to the Roman general Boniface, 418 A.D.
Read this passage from Judges young men.
God, Samson's 7 sacred braids of hair, and his great strength, can all be viewed as his primal masculinity; his manly truth; that peace of mind necessary for great exertion.
This remains one of our best, most timeless, and currently our most relevant, allegories.
Thanks Jeremy.