This is a special service for you brothers, a reminder to beware of the white succubus, who will come on seeming so much nicer than your violent black women, but in reality aspires to be one of those nasty bitches herself! Black dudes should avoid the white woman who is only interested in black dudes, as she is just objectifying you, and will screw an old or rich white man for gifts, and will trade you in for a bigger-dicked Mandingo at the first opportunity.
The crazies always come out at the end of a long month, spending their WIC checks and looking for a sugar daddy or a John. The following happened at my place of employment a mere two hours after a ten-year-old hooker threw our trash bins over the parcel pickup railing and broke two of our shopping carts in a fit of rage.
Last night at 1:30 a.m. a woman who seemed to be about twenty came down my aisle. She was wearing a patchwork of slinky lace and skintight suction clothing that left not a contour of her young body to the imagination. Her slut generation tattoos sparkled darkly through the see through garments. She walked by me, then walked by me more closely, then walked by me close enough for me to catch a whiff of her perfume.
Still, exhibiting the discipline of steel, I resisted the temptation to look at her thrice offered posterior. You see, Mom, I’m only fifty-two and am already all grown up!
Actually my neck is killing me from that headshot on Sunday…
She then stopped 20 feet away in front of the cheese and asked, “Hey Baby. Could you help me?”
I looked up to see that she was bent over the shopping cart looking at me in such a way that her milky white breasts were entirely exposed.
I went to her and told her which cheese was the free WIC cheese, all the while, tapping into the discipline of steel, and denying my primal self a glance down into the lace-lined pathway to hell!
She then smiled, blew me a kiss, and sashayed by me with a grin that seemed to say, “You know you want it old man—just ask!”
Tia to the rescue!
Tia is a former ghetto girl that stands over six feet and works two jobs, including stocking our bakery shelves. She came over to me and said, “What a rancid ho, Mister Jimmy. You handled that pretty well, but she’ll be back. She usually has the radar out for black guys—that’s what she likes, black guys. What do you call black guy radar, Mister Jimmy?”
“Oh, I call it yodar, and I have it. I just use it for a different purpose than she does.”
“Oh that’s too funny, Mister Jimmy—yodar! Those boys down on Monument Street where I came from could have used some yodar, and maybe one of their dumbasses wouldn’t have wound up dead every week. They dropped like flies around there. They mamma is a crack head so they sell their stamps to get high. Then they boys go sell drugs to buy food and get shot down dead like a dog. Welfare—that’s the way it goes, a death sentence.
“Don’t get me wrong, I was born at Johns Hopkins, and was raised in the projects—the low rises. But that doesn’t mean I have to be a project bitch. I don’t have to sit on my stoop and do my daughter’s hair like a project bitch. I could get me a job and move out here and get me another [job], and that’s what I did. And that’s why it mystifies me that that stupid girl wants to be a ghetto ho when she started out a pretty white girl. She already living with the baby’s daddy, is blowing Leroy for weed, and is coming on to you probably ‘cause she needs a big daddy for more too-tight-for-her-chunky-ass clothes.”
“Then do me a favor, Tia, Don’t tell her that I’m really a black man!”
[Laughter]
“You got it, Mister Jimmy. I knew you were better than that—look at this here, that crazy girl is shaking it for you again. Them boys over in grocery must not be biting either.”
The customer came back around the corner and asked, “Excuse me, Sir, could you show me where the WIC juice is?”
Tia smacked her lips, put her hand on her hip, bobbled her head, and said, “Girl, you had WIC long enough to know. Now get on down the way en leave this man alone.”
The floozy giggled off in huff and Tia quipped, “Two more babies en that shit I’ll be down to her knees, and she ain’t but twenty years old.”
I said, “Thanks for taking care of that for me, Tia.”
She patted me on the shoulder from her great height and smiled, “That’s what friends is for, Mister Jimmy. And thank you for the Ice Berg Slim book. I like reading me my classics.”
“Tia, you can be my wallet blocker anytime!”
I was not in danger of falling prey to this two-bit floozy. Tia did, however, render a service. A female friend pretending that she is jealous of you and sending the wench on her way usually prevents repeated attempts by the whigger wench to seduce her target.
