NO, men and women cannot be friends. Well, at least in the sense that men are friends with men, or women with women…if that can be called a friendship. Men being friends with other men, now that is a unique relationship of honor, and a bond reflected in being able to beat the shit out of one another and then forget why you were angry with one another and go have a drink fondly recalling yesteryear.

Men forgive and forget.

Women do not forgive and never forget.

Women harbor hate, spite, and anger. They thrive on it. This is of course a product of the toxic compound, Estrogen. It is a danger to all mankind and one day medical science will find a cure for estrogen toxicity. Women are ruled by estrogen, and some other chemical delights.

Thus, a woman’s inability to harbor these emotions is tied to their hormonal homeostasis. Just like their internal physiologic design, it doesn’t forget; nor do they. Holy shit, they can remember what color your pants were on the first date and what day and time it was. Men can’t remember yesterday. Simple, direct and honestly stated.

The cavemen know that the male psyche and evolved (or devolved depending on perspective) possessive gene do not allow platonic existence. We fake it, because ultimately if the bitch be hot we be on the prowl.

But women will disagree about being friends. They are wrong, as usual. But we will let them disagree because we want to be good “friends” that is. Even though we know we are not.

There it is said.

So it is written, let it be done.

Now, off with their heads.

Hell, let’s be realistic, women can’t be friends with their own sex. Vindictive bitches can transform from that cute little snow flower to a dragon demon capable of eating their young. So how in Casanova’s name can women be friends with men? Well, to clarify: women can think they can be friends with men, but men know they are just playing the game of friendship. So it is not mutual. And yes it is a game, perhaps not by intention or from ill will, but it is a façade, a show, a masquerade. Men have no choice. So in justification, their “façade” is even unintentional. Their little head will always think for the bigger head and the little head is more powerful, by any metric. Ultimately the little head will win. It always does.

From the splurge of testosterone explosion till death, men think of sex. Sex with women, unless they are gay, but that is not a topic of discussion because even gay men still think about sex. Women think about it too. They just like to fake the moral high ground by repressing their urges. Men live their urges every second of every day. Like a wise man once said, "Women need a reason for sex, Men just need a place." And that place can be with their “friend” if their “friend” decides not to be a friend anymore and be a “place.”

Estrogen beasts, if your guy friend tells you that you are just friends, believe it. But also know that any given second, if you are vaguely hot, he will nail you. As a matter of fact, this could be the icing on the cake with the proverbial “friends with benefits” moniker in play.

Of course, this too is just plain bullshit. Men will be friends as long as it takes to “not be friends” and they nail you. Then they can go back to acting like your friend until the woman decides she wants to stop being friends long enough to release some of that estrogen toxicity in a session of unbridled head-banging, rumpus-bumping, and beddy bye pelvic grinding.

Whether you are a Caveman or an Estrogen Beast, enter The Friend Zone at your peril.