Big Mike just called me to inform on one of Baltimore’s emerging class of professional looters.

“I’ve got to keep my schedule a secret, because I think this maggot has an employee informing him as to when I’ll be on duty. Yesterday I caught him peeking in the front window. I made myself scarce and went into the office and waited to see him enter on the camera. No problem, right, a skinny black dude in August, wearing a beanie and a black sweatshirt?

“He doesn’t do candy bars or bar soap, but goes exclusively for meat and seafood. So I had my lead. But then when I get over there, there is no one in a black sweatshirt and beanie? Then I notice this skinny black dude—they’re all black around here—slinging a tenderloin under his arm and up under his shirt!

“I snagged his ass—his third arrest for shoplifting here—so they hauled him away. I don’t know how long they’ll hold him. But he’ll be back. Next month food stamps start to get spread out, and these people have zero budgeting ability to begin with. We’re going from alphabetical to social security number based distribution, meaning that a third of these people are going to make out by getting their EBT food side early, and that two thirds are going to get burned and end up waiting until the end of the month. They’re going to be stealing at looting levels by this time next month.”