Yesterday the family of martyred hoodrat hero and secular saint, Freddie Gray, hit the Running from the Cops Lottery, when Mayor O’Mamma awarded them $6, 400,000 for the death of their role model and patriarch while in police custody. This award was announced despite the mayor’s failure to acquire a $20,000,000 relief grant from the Feds.

[Update: Not surprisingly, change of venue hearings are now underway, almost immediately in the wake of the payment. The defense will certainly make the case that the BPD has proven itself unable to defeat rioters and that the six trials should be heard at a defensible venue. The City administration has just begun a delicate dance to derail the next riot.]

On a wider front, The State of Maryland—apparently readers of www.jameslafond.com –are phasing in a new food stamp distribution scheme—last week!

The FSP [Food Supplement Program], of Maryland has dispensed these benefits to crack heads and dope fiends, so that they can sell them at 50 cents on the dollar while the grandparents feed the children, between the 6th and the 15th of each month. Any idiot could have figured out that unrest planned by radicals at the end of the month can potentially pull looters who have gone without drug money for two weeks! Some geek in Annapolis was awake and did something that makes logistical sense.

In order to remedy this situation, and hopefully deny the next wave of purgers a looter smoke screen, the State is now dispersing funds between the 5th and the 19th.

From October through December drug money will be dispersed from the 4th through the 23rd.

As of January 20-16 the new drug money schedule will run from the 4th to the 27th.

The drug money used to come out according to the first letter in your last name. Now it will be dispersed according to the first three letters of your last name.

This means, that if I, a LAFond, give birth to this National Bohemian beer baby at Christmas time, that I’ll receive my $250 in food stamps to feed little Sudsy on the 16th of each month.

In the interests of fairness, since I gave the Evil State a heads up on blunting riots by overfeeding the poor in a more considered way, I should, by rights, advise the BGF, the Bloods and Cripps as to the best day to stage your next riot.

You still want to target the end of the month, because EBT cash comes out on the 1st, and also due to the fact that every hoodrat with the last names of Johnson, Jackson and Jefferson are going to get their money on the 14th and 15th. So shoot for the 29th of a 31-day month to kick off your operation, giving all of those J-folk two entire weeks to spend down their free money and get primed to burn the local CVS, to the grounnnn!